I am sad to say I am one of the suspects’ sister. My sister did not fire the weapon, but from what I understand she was partly responsible for the tragedy that unfolded over the past weekend. After spending the last few days and nights lamenting the events of the weekend, consoling my mother and grandmother, reading the news stories (many of which severely contradict each other) and worse still the comments people have left, I have decided to speak up. First off, I am overwhelmed with remorse for my sister’s actions this past weekend and I am so sorry for all the people this has hurt. I really do wish there was something I could do; if there was I would do so in a heartbeat. My sister’s poor (to put it lightly) decision-making and actions are obviously deserving of prison time.
That being said, I would like to address some of the comments I have been reading. I must say many of them strike me as ignorant. I find that people try to find the most convenient answers, which in this case seem to me quite absurd. The first most obvious trend seems to be the blaming of media, like “MTV and BET,” rap music, et cetera. The truth is my sister was more of an ESPN fan; she was quite obsessed growing up actually, and left the room when I tended to watch MTV after school. Does it follow that MLB is to blame? Maybe if my sister had a more artist outlet like myself (music and related media) things would have turned out better. Not to say our media is not in need of reform. It disgusts me to see the treatment of women and the lack of punishment for domestic violence offenders. My mind goes to the recent Chris Brown-Rihanna case. In fact, my sister has been a victim of spousal violence with a recent boyfriend, and from what I understand she was hit in the face at this party by a male attendee, which is what set off this despicable chain of events. I am not making excuses for my sister, but should it not bother me in the slightest that this man faces no consequences whatsoever for his actions? We are quick to jump to conclusions, when in reality a series of events, circumstances, and influences are at play.
A second even more disgusting assumption I find in the discussion of race, wealth, and other unfortunate class distinctions from a large number of the people who find it necessary to voice their narrow-minded opinions. Perhaps this is partly due to the Caucasian race of the victim. For those who really want to know, my sister and myself are purely of European descent. For those of you to who that means anything, you should be ashamed of yourselves. I have also heard mentions of welfare, poverty, and urban upbringing. Actually, my sister and I were brought up in the suburbs of the San Francisco bay area where property value more than doubles that of Elk Grove and the surrounding areas. We would not be considered wealthy by any standards, but we were fortunate in that we never suffered from not having enough or having to rely on government support. My sister moved to Elk Grove at fourteen. I decided to stay back and live with other family members because I found “EG” to be boring, devoid of culture, and depressing. When I was twenty-one (and my sister was twenty) I pleaded with her to move in with me in San Francisco where I would support her until she got on her feet. She was in Sacramento at the time, and declined my offer because she couldn’t bring herself to leave her friends and her boyfriend of two years. I admit in the past days I have blamed myself somewhat for not somehow forcing her out of the hell that is the Sacramento Valley.
The last set of assumptions that I would like to address is that aimed at the values and influence of my family. I admit I have been guilty of pointing fingers at the families of suspects in past cases. I never would have imagined myself to be in the position of one of those family members. These are the comments I find most offensive. My sister and I, being only a year and a half apart, shared nearly the same upbringing. Yes, there was divorce. It was difficult as divorce always is, but it is a growing reality, and just one of the hundreds of factors that lead to the deterioration of modern society. Luckily, we had a strong support from extended family, including our fabulous uncles and grandparents. It’s true that an overly conservative Catholic family background put stress on both of us and we struggled to define our own distinct faiths. Family, education, and manners were of the upmost importance in our young lives. I am now a fairly successful twenty-four year old recently relocated to New York City. I am well educated, currently weighing my options for grad school. I worked and paid my way through college with no debt and honor roll grades. I am well traveled for my age. I am an avid volunteer, donating my time at least once a week for local charities and doing any kind of good I can on the side. I love my family and speak to them regularly, and that has always included my little sister more than anyone. An attack on my sister’s family is an attack on me. I’m not perfect by any means, but my family is to blame as much for the good in me as for anything else in either my sister or myself.
So what did lead to the horrific events of Saturday night? Of course, life is not so simple and there are hundreds of thousands of factors in making up one complex being. My sister has never been convicted of a crime. Since graduating high school, the declining job market hit her hard. Perhaps blame Apple, the company that hired my sister and laid her off and hired her and laid her off and hired her and laid her off simply because they like to hire temps in order to lay them off before they are forced to give them benefits. Blame that system of business when a company so prosperous cuts corners for a profit. Again, blame the absence of accountability for males who hit their girlfriends or any other female. Is it any wonder my sister’s sense of value as a person is damaged? Furthermore, blame the government for spending trillions of dollars on war and violence rather than addressing the downfall of our school programs, and blame those of us who vote against higher taxes which would benefit our country’s young, poor, or sick, or worse still, those who somehow neglect to make it to the polls. Blame the embarrassing streak of prejudice and lack of compassion for our fellow human beings, which I found while reading through so many of your comments. We must find it in ourselves to think critically about things rather than react emotionally; after all, isn’t that what led up to the poor decision making of my sister and others like her the first place?
My sister has no acceptable excuse for her actions, and I am not trying to defend her in writing this. She got caught up with the wrong guy, and I hope that young man spends his life in prison reflecting for what he did to his victims and the woman he supposedly loved. May we all look upon ourselves, at our own lifestyles, at our simple day-to-day actions and the words we exchange and reflect. I would not hope my position on anyone. I find myself in a position where I must question my beliefs in the world and the people amongst me. I find myself constantly asking why and trying to deduct the whole thing to simple explanations, but we all must learn that there is no simple answer. I go on with my life with a drive to be better, work harder, and affect more lives in a more positive way. I suggest we all do the same. I feel so much for the families this tragedy has affected, especially the two young children who lost their mother. I stand by my sister because I know that there is good in her and because that’s all I can do as her sister, but that in no way means I do not feel angered and disgusted at her part in this terrible crime.
Melisa Bassett
bebetecgrl@aol.com
You sister may not have brought the gun but she brought the male who had the gun to the party. I'm sorry but I'm sure your sister was well aware of who this individual was and how he may have reacted when put in that situation. He killed a mother of two... a wonderful woman who was just trying to make it in this world. Your sister and HER FRIEND'S action's KILLED a young woman and SEVERELY hurt two others. Your ignorance disgusts me. May Alison rest in peace and your sister and HER friend get the 10'X10' jail cell they deserve!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am lost as to where you find in my writing any misrepresentation of what happened, my sister's guilty role in it, or the tragic outcome of it all. Ignorance is apparent to me when people refuse to think. Lizzy, you seem to me to be extremely ignorant in that you somehow read what I wrote, and instead of coming up with a true response to anything I wrote, you attack me. Without knowing you, I can almost guarantee that I am more of a citizen than you; the good I do in the world speaks for itself. In fact, when this all went down early Sunday morning, where was I? At 5:00am before I went to work for the day, I was volunteering for the MS Walk in NYC. Where were you? How much blood have you donated? How many lives have you saved? How many hours do you give every week of your life? How many strangers do you take into your home? How much sleep do you lose? Now tell me how I disgust you. Maybe it bothers you that you don't have the answers either. Is it wrong for me to take all negative in the world into mind and work ten times as hard to have a positive influence, and then ask the world to do the same?
ReplyDeleteAs a mom of several children, I wake up everyday and think have I taught my children everything I can to make them respectable people in todays world. Will they make responsible decisions? I also have a constant worry of what could happen to them or any of my love ones, could they get killed in a car crash, seriously injured in sports or be a victim of any random act. We can do as much as possible, that doesn't mean that we are safe.
ReplyDeleteA lot of people have been tragically hurt by this random act, and everyone has a voice to be heard, however lets think of all the family members and give them all a little respect, I don't believe Melisa is being ignorant, she did not ignore anything that has happened, she has been affected by this also, she was not any part of this act of crime, and she has expressed her condolences. As anyone's sister or family member, wouldn't you want to be a voice for them? We all want justice to be served, and closure on this.
So everyone please take a deep breath, and put this in Gods hands and with the courts. May he (God)touch the victim's who are still suffering and the families of all involved. May Alison rest in peace and God bless and protect her children.
Thank you Yvonne. Although, in no way do I mean to be voice for my sister. I myself do not know the full story. Believe me, when I speak to her next I will have endless questions and anger. I am baffled on how she could let this all happen. I have so many questions. I thought to voice them on my own behalf. Furthermore, what I wrote was not to comment on the case itself, rather to ask myself and others interested enough to read to think comprehensively. It is a mistake when we do not learn from the mistakes and tragedies of our lives and others in the world. I promise to myself that I will learn from this and be a more compassionate person. I would like nothing more than to work with our troubled youth to prevent things like this from happening to other people. Call me ignorant for that if you will.
ReplyDeleteFrom Sacbee:
ReplyDeletelizzy14240 wrote on 04/23/2009 03:10:50 PM:
MELISSA - I READ YOUR BLOG AND I COMMENTED BUT IM SURE YOU'LL BE A COWARD AND DELETE WHAT I WROTE THERE SO I FIGURED ILL ADD IT HERE ALSO SO THE WORLD CAN SEE..... [see above comment]
MelisaBassett wrote on 04/23/2009 06:41:37 PM:
Lizzy. Thank you for your comment. How could I be a coward for voicing my opinion? I show my face with pride for the work I put in to making this place a better world. Why would I erase your ignorant comment? Please read the comments since and if you can bring yourself to actually use your brain, please do and respond to what I wrote rather than trying to find something there that isn't.
www.sfmelisa.blogspot.com
I do not mean to disrespect anybody involved in this tragedy. I meant every word of what I wrote and I hope people do not misinterpret it to mean things it doesn't.
....
Those that know me know how much I am not a coward. And for the record, I will never delete anybody else's comments. Discussion is healthy for learning... so bring it on.
You know what... I read what you wrote and I am not being ignorant. I understand that you are frustrated with your sister and her boyfriend’s decision (and I'm sorry but the fact that she would choose such a boy to be a boyfriend does not help your point at all) but the fact that you find the need to try to find a point a view for your sister when Alison's family hasn’t even been given the time to grieve is bothersome.
ReplyDeleteAs for me... I am an upstanding citizen. I’m the wife of a soldier currently fighting overseas for your and your sister’s freedom. I volunteer with several family readiness groups and you know what, I live in the community that has to suffer a deep loss. If you could walk out here and see the sad faces and if you would have heard the gasp that went over our church family as we heard of lose of Alison Sunday Morning you would not call me ignorant. I'm fighting to make sure that you don't forget that your sister is not the victim... Give the family some time grieve before you start your ramblings. I really don’t think that is too much to ask! And please do not think I don’t understand where you are coming from but the article was to celebrate Alison’s life. It was just poor timing on your part….
So I’m done stating my point of view. If you still don’t get it…. I’m sorry. It really wasn’t directed to be disrespectful. I will pray you and your sister in your time of need; I just hope you keep in mind Alison along with the others that were injured.
And to clear this up one last time... I do not mean to find a point of view for my sister. This is my point of view. She is certainly not the victim in the case nor do I mean to make her out to be. Do not misinterpret what I write. I would argue that in some ways I put the blame more on her for her own actions with what I wrote. She made her decisions. She was given all the resources growing up that I was given, and she should have known better. I do not believe she knew what was going to happen to the proportion that it did, but who am I to say. I feel more grief than you can imagine for what happened to Alison. And don't think I don't know what it's like to be in a community full of grief. I feel an endless sadness and helplessness every moment for what happened.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking your time to express yourself in a more calm and mature manner. The reason I decided to start this blog was to get the discussion off of the article page and to a place where I have the freedom to express my thoughts in a healthy manner. I do not mean to plague the other page with debate. But anybody who wants to discuss this further can find me here.
Lizzy, how do you classify what Melisa is saying as "ramblings"? Does it not occur to you that in many ways she has lost a loved one herself? Her sister could be potentially facing multiple life terms if not the death penalty as well. Shouldn't her relatives be allowed the right to publicly grieve and express their opinions over what has happened? While Tamara may seem a monster to you, she did in fact live a life that was defined by many other things other than being an accessory to murder. Have you not ever made a stupid choice in your life? Maybe she was not aware of what her boyfriend was capable of? Perhaps she didn't know he had a gun? Have you thought of any of this before attacking her SISTER? Are you aware of how asinine it is to attack someone who has far more emotional stake in these chain of events than you could possibly imagine?
ReplyDeleteFrom what I've read, it doesn't look to me as though Melisa is trying to excuse what her sister did in any way, shape, or form. I understand you and your "church family" may be morally outraged over what has happened, but try to think outside of the kool-aid box and realize that other people are grieving besides those of the the deceased.
P.S. Anyone that hits a woman in the face closed fisted deserves to be shot. Twice. I only grieve for the woman who died and not that of the "victim" who will be paralyzed, potentially. At least now he can't beat on anymore women, hey?
"MELISSA - I READ YOUR BLOG AND I COMMENTED BUT IM SURE YOU'LL BE A COWARD AND DELETE WHAT I WROTE THERE SO I FIGURED ILL ADD IT HERE ALSO SO THE WORLD CAN SEE"
...because what you had to say was so utterly Earth shattering. We have all certainly benefited from your enlightened point of view. Pompous pseudo righteous scum. How are you an upstanding citizen? Because you go to church and are a receptacle for an over seas soldier? While he's overseas fighting terrorists, you sit here on the internet and attack strangers who are suffering more than you ever will in your life? Nice division of labor, that.
Jesus would be proud of you. If he existed, of course.
-Whomever
Excuse the typos...it's late and I'm exhausted.
ReplyDelete-Whomever
Whomever said "P.S. Anyone that hits a woman in the face closed fisted deserves to be shot. Twice. I only grieve for the woman who died and not that of the "victim" who will be paralyzed, potentially. At least now he can't beat on anymore women, hey?"
ReplyDeleteWho said the person that supposedly hit her is the one that is paralyzed?
From what I have heard from those closer to the situation than I, the man that hit Tamara in the face is the man that may potentially be paralyzed. Who am I to say what anyone deserves? I will say that had all of this not happened this way, I would have gotten on a plane back to California and dealt with the man myself. It's hard for me to feel sorry for the man who hits a woman, especially publicly. Has he no shame? Also, to clear up any misconceptions, this man was not in a relationship with my sister. She went home to her boyfriend humiliated, hurting from the punch in the face. Perhaps her boyfriend told her to take her back to the location because he was going to do something about it. Perhaps she did not know the gravity of what that meant.
ReplyDeleteFrom Sacbee:
ReplyDeletelizzy14240 wrote on 04/24/2009 10:14:16 AM:
"Why she was there and what happened that triggered the young man allegedly hitting her in the first place?"
Great Question....
MelisaBassett wrote on 04/24/2009 11:10:07 AM:
She was there because the host of the party invited her, because they had been friends (which I know because I have seen pictures of them together). I know she was invited because the girl wrote on Tamara's myspace the following:
"send me your house address...or text it to me!! i need to send you the invitation as quick as possible cuz my baby showers in a week and a half and i need to know if you're coming"
Why was she there? hmmm.... The news stories are wrong and they all contradict each other. Tamara was at the party because she was invited by the host.
What triggered the man to hit her? Do you really believe there is ANYTHING that triggers a man hitting a woman? What's wrong with our society when that question is even being asked?
How could this man who punched a girl in the face feel good enough about himself, reason or no reason, to stay at the party and continue having a good time? And how could the other party goers allow this? Why was he not asked to leave? Why do people overlook things when it's convenient for them? After all, women have been beaten and raped in the street and witnesses have walked by just because it just doesn't effect them and because it's easier to pretend not to see.
ReplyDeleteAll we are trying to say is that, although hitting your sister was absolutely wrong and nothing should ever provoke someone to that level, some type of conversation or some words must have been said to bring the argument to that level. What I and I'm sure "terberibin" are trying to say is nothing justifies Raymond and your sister's actions. This could have been avoided if your sister just stayed home and slept on it. Maybe dealt with the situation once everything calmed down. Killing Alison and possibly paralyzing the young man and injuring the others was wrong, no matter what the situation was.
ReplyDeleteKilling Alison was not the answer, no. Killing the man that hit her? Well...
ReplyDeletewhere to start.
ReplyDeleteas a former laguana kid, i know one of the victims shot. received a call from a good friend who informed me of this tragedy; this friend said that the victim is now paralyzed. i've known this kid since he was 12 years old & always knew him to be a sweet kid who loved to skateboard, even to this day. sad to hear he will never have the ability to do so again.
as a person who grew up in laguna, i also have come to abhor it, going home only to visit my family. nothing but track homes & strip malls. i still know many people whom i went to school with that reside there & are working menial jobs & still attending house parties. not a good way to stay out of trouble when your in your mid-twenties. i got out of there as soon as i could because as the old adage goes, "idle time is the devil's time." that being said, melisa, take it easy on the sacramento valley. while it may not be the bay area in terms of culture, with the bay area having an abundance of shops selling artisan cheeses & salad bowls hand crafted by tibetan monks for $10,000, & $1.5 million one-bedroom condos, it hardly is "hell"; go do to tijuana & then tell me sacramento is hell. plenty of good people reside within the 916.
what makes this so sad is that it is so senseless. an altercation ensues leaving a woman battered. instead of calling the police, permitting the police to "nip this in the bud" so to speak - (i) police arrive, (ii) take witness statements, (iii) forward to district/city attorney, (iv) district/city attorney files appropriate charges, (v) case is disposed of in court - tamara relies on her boyfriend to handle the matter. she drives him to the house with knowledge he has a gun & stops right out front allowing him the opportunity to let off a dozen or so rounds. the result being 4 people are hit, a strong likelihood that none of these 4 people were directly involved, maybe tangentially, in the earlier altercation.
more than 4 lives are ruined. familes are broken - obviously you, melisa, can attest to that. friends are devastated.
lastly, melisa, you made much of who should accept some responsibility in this case. the government, society, schools, employers? yeah, maybe we're all to blame a bit, but the burden falls on the individual. a poor job market is not a valid excuse for finding trouble; sure it offers more opportunities to get into trouble but i think you'd be the first to avoid it. your diatribe on corporate greed - greed has existed since the dawn of man, & try as we might to evolve past something as frivolous as greed, it's still here. not going to change. as far as the notion that domestic violence is largely ignored, billions of dollars are pumped into programs - city, county, state, & federal - that provide battered partners housing, job training, & treatment [physical & psychological]. criminal statutes also ramp up the amount of possible prison/jail time imposed & terms & condidtions of probation. what more can we do? install cameras behind every closed door to ensure that this crap does not happen? at some point, the individual has to step up & say enough is enough. i would love to live in a world where guns don't exist, people love one another, & where money is but a thing of the past but that dream is not grounded in reality. reality check time, this is the world we live in - 4 shot, 1 fatally; your sister & her boyfriend will likely spend the rest of their entire life in state prison [boyfriend may be up for the death penalty]; countless families damaged beyond repair, including alison's 2 young children; friends devastated.
"This could have been avoided if your sister just stayed home and slept on it. Maybe dealt with the situation once everything calmed down. Killing Alison and possibly paralyzing the young man and injuring the others was wrong, no matter what the situation was."
ReplyDeleteWe are agreed here... I can't say enough how much I think this every day. How could this happen? In writing my questions I was merely trying to think on a deeper level... perhaps beyond the case at hand.
And to the last commenter, I respect your thoughts. I spent a lot of time in Elk Grove and Sacramento in the past eight years, and I must say the suburbs... track houses, lack of gourmet food and art, along with undertones of various prejudices and unspectacular lives... made me uneasy anytime I spent more than a day there. Maybe I am just spoiled; used to luxury. I do like spending 30 bucks on a couple ounces of good cheese. Yes, I have been to Tijuana and worse still Juarez (highest crime rate in Mexico), and several other Central American cities and countries. I have backpacked through El Salvador & Guatemala. Would I live in any of these places, no. I suppose I should respect the choices of many to stay in these communities, but I do believe it was never right for my sister to be there. I tried to show her the life she could have in San Francisco, I offered her all expense paid trips to Southern California and Alaska, but I suppose I failed in that attempt to show her a larger world.
And I suppose I am just touchy about the women beating subject. I have witnessed friends be beat first hand and their boyfriend's or husband's sentences have been minimal. Many are afraid to press charges. I am not saying we should invade the privacy of people's homes, however, I do think a less tolerant public opinion would be helpful. As a past student and teacher's assistant of relationship psychology, and someone who will most likely end up in graduate school for it, I admit I have a lot to say on the subject.
.....
Two months ago I was coming home on the train back from Manhattan. It was nearly five in the morning. As I stepped off the train I witnessed a young girl being shoved backwards out of the train. She falls on a stone bench and spits out blood. Her (I assume) boyfriend steps out of the train after her, yelling, saying it's all her fault. She is badly beaten. As I cross over to the other side of the platform he says to her, "No on is going to help you here. No one cares about you." Two men who happen to be quite a bit bigger than the male assailant cross over with their heads down and eyes averted.
In the end, I did nothing, and it kills me to this day. Yes, I was terrified. But is that an excuse? I could have gone outside of the station and seeked out police help, but instead I walked on to catch my train. I could have helped her up and got in a cab with her home or anywhere else she could be safe, but I was scared of him confronting me and really this would have taken a lot more effort than getting on the next train home and crawling into my warm bed safe at home. I could have said something to him and faced possible retribution. At least I know he would go to jail for hitting me. The sad truth is, I did nothing. By doing so, I reaffirmed his words to her. How many of us would have done the same? I was disgusted with myself and have been ever since for failing to defend the helpless girl. I am haunted by the image of the man standing over his victim and the words he said, everyone around them walking a little faster in the other direction. The truth is I learned something about myself, and I will never again be a passerby.
From Sac Bee...
ReplyDeletefrom Melisa's more2it:
"lizzy who are you do you get a kick out of this maybe you need to go on with your life and let the people dirrectly involved try to cope with our loss get on with your life you will never know the suffering that we are going through so dont sit there at your computer and judge any of us i wish tammy would have called police or even picked me up melisa keep your head up we love you YOU DONT NEED TO ANSWER TO PEOPLE LIKE LIZZY YOU ARE FAR BETTER THAN THAT..."
I'll keep that in mind as I attend the funeral tomorrow of the young lady that your "precious Tammy" murdered. You literally make me ill more2it!!!
Melisa, I understand your point of view; but your relative truly needs a reality check!
Justice will be served for Alison!!!!
more2it: I do realize what I need to answer to, and what I do not. I never needed to respond to anyone's comments or speculations, however I truly do believe that is healthy to [calmly] talk about things of this sort. I do respect other's opinions and I do not take them to be bad people for voicing such opinions as long as they do so with thought. I have a never-ending desire to learn and understand, possibly more so than is healthy for me at times. But I believe I am a better person for it.
ReplyDeletelizzy: more2it is going through more than you can imagine and knows not how to express such strong feelings of regret and remorse. Have pity on her, if only for your Christian faith.
Let's all not get too heated. It is in the hands of our justice system, and the justice that is needed will be served. I am sure of it. But let's not spread hate or point fingers. Now is a time to humble ourselves.
I have learned that there is a trust fund for Alison's two children. Perhaps we should all donate to it, or at least find other less fortunate children to do the same for. Monday I will be volunteering my time to sort and patch clothing to be donated to children in need.
The Alison Van Houten-Freeseha Memorial Fund has been set up for Freeseha's children at Guaranty Bank, 3380 McHenry Ave., Escalon, CA 95320.
ReplyDeleteI can not believe what I am reading here.
ReplyDelete"P.S. Anyone that hits a woman in the face closed fisted deserves to be shot. Twice."
Anonymous said..."Killing Alison was not the answer, no. Killing the man that hit her? Well..."
While I agree that any man that hits a woman is not a man (unless the woman is acting like a man), this is the kind of barbaric thinking thinking that got a woman killed and got innocent bystanders shot. If Tamara supposedly got hit then the police should have been called. We have a series of LAWS and we need to abide by them. If we don't like or agree with the laws then we need to do our part to try to change them.
Melisa Bassett said...
"How could this man who punched a girl in the face feel good enough about himself, reason or no reason, to stay at the party and continue having a good time? And how could the other party goers allow this? Why was he not asked to leave? Why do people overlook things when it's convenient for them? After all, women have been beaten and raped in the street and witnesses have walked by just because it just doesn't effect them and because it's easier to pretend not to see."
Anyone who does absolutely nothing when they are witnessing any kind of crime is, in my opinion, a coward. I am not saying one needs to get in the middle of the crime to try to stop it but, considering just about everyone has a cell phone, calling 911 is doing one's part.
You are just 24 and think you are so smart and sophisticated. Stay in New York. Sacramento Valley doesn't want you.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Support your sister the best anyone could and find strength in the not understanding. Yes, she has responsibility for her part. But no one should be judged based on one thing. There is so much more to everyone. Untill we walk in one anothers shoes- no one can know everything. Right. Try not to let everyone beat you up for this. You seem very strong to put this out there for everyone to read. I will keep you, your family, and yes your sister in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteFrom Sac Bee...
ReplyDeletesusanseese wrote on 04/24/2009 08:56:48 PM:
"As for the families and friends of the perpetrators...that is sad for them to be without their loved ones. What a tragedy. Keep in mind that they aren't dead, just behind bars. They can still be visited...seen...held and talked to. When their prison sentence is over they can still have a life with those that love them. Poor Miss Freeseha's friends, extended family, parents and children will be without her until they are reunited in heaven. Those kids have to live without their mom every day. They can only talk to her spirit and hold a headstone. I don't know anything about her as a person other than what the news has told me. I don't know her from Eve but I do know that her kids don't deserve to grow up without a mother. That's the real tragedy. Keep that in mind."
You say: "more2it is going through more than you can imagine and knows not how to express such strong feelings of regret and remorse. Have pity on her, if only for your Christian faith."
I honestly could careless about what more2it nor you are going through. I came on her to make sure you and your followers keep in mind that, as I said before, your sister is NOT THE VICTIM. Society was not what cause your sister to do what she did...
From Sac Bee...
"teriberibin wrote on 04/23/2009 04:53:46 PM:
Another conversation with daughter...It was an innocent party goer that approached the car and was shot in the stomach. The man who allegedly hit Tamara was in the garage, and, as he lie there wounded, he kept saying, "I knew they'd come back, I knew they'd come back" (she personally witnessed this)...Now I understand why he shot into the garage...Not sure now if the girlfriend was actually a neighbor. Sounded like it was a small caliber weapon, as the wounds were tiny. She also mentioned Tamara and Raymond came in the neighborhood, the second time, from a strange direction, not the one she thought you'd normally choose(she saw the car leaving)."
Having "fine cheese" or living within great culture does not cause a person to no longer be stupid enough to make such poor deciions. Keep in mind, San Francisco and New York are not exactly known for their low crime rate. I'm sure if she lived with you, when put in the same situation she would have done the same. You are not God, (although by reading your writing you seem to think you are damn near close). You can't change ones inner being and thought process. And by reading from witness accounts, your sister was a cold blooded murderer. She was calculated in her driving techniques, she assisted in driving Vigel to locating the garage, and, whether you want to belive it or not, she knew what he was capable of. How dare you tell me to have pity on anyone that is trying to take away any attention from the main focus of the article.
A mother of two, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a member of a WONDERFUL family.
A family, that if put in the same situation, I'm sure would not publicly open a pity on theirselves blog!!!!
You praise yourself on being so open minded and so full of artsy farsty culture... well i hope you are open minded enough to realize that most people at this point are not worried about you and your family, as you all have the opportunity to still talk and see your sister. She made deplorable decisions and frankly I hope she gets the well deserved punishment, but i mainly hope that you realize that you have nothing to be grieving about. Your sister's heart is still beating and she is still able to move all body parts. Your family isnt getting dressed to go bury their loved one today.
I really pray that you can have the strength to get through this momment in your life but I will not have pity on anyone other then those your sisters actions affected.
AMEN!!!!
Rest in Peace Alison for I pray these people realize the pain their words are inflicting.
"I honestly could careless about what more2it nor you are going through." Lizzy, you are so full of hate. Are you so blind that you cannot see that I hurt because of what happened to the victims, their families, and all that have been affected by this? I am hurt because I could not do anything to prevent this, and try as I may I cannot find the answers to why this all happened or how? True, I am hurt because I feel I have lost of my sister. She will never have a normal life. She will not be there at my wedding, she will never have the opportunity to visit me in New York, or Europe, or wherever I decide to live next.... All this pales in comparison to what I feel for what happened. The first thing I told my mother when she informed me of what happened (not knowing any of the details), was that if she had killed somebody, she needs to go to prison. Do not think I am somehow unaware of what needs to happen here.
ReplyDeleteI would not wish this situation on anyone. I just got of the phone with my 74-year-old grandmother who is a hysterical mess. Believe me, I am furious at my sister for it. But faced with this helpless suffering old woman what would you do? The fact that you do not care about my pain or my family's pain doesn't bother me, but may you believe that God will judge you for your lack of pity on anyone who is hurting. The fact that there is worse suffering in the world does not void others' suffering. By this logic, believe me, there is always greater suffering. I ignore no one's pain and I am well aware that there are many suffering here. I ask for no pity on my part. I write because it is therapeutic for me; I post because the discussion helps me to learn and question myself deeper and because believe it or not some people are curious about the emotions and thoughts going through one's head when a loved one does something so terrible. Psychology is one of my favorite subjects, and the things I am feeling are something I could never have imagined.
"your sister is NOT THE VICTIM. Society was not what cause your sister to do what she did..."
Well, I can't keep reiterating that I believe my sister is NOT THE VICTIM. You are getting repetitive. What I wrote was in response to some of the absurd things people had been writing on message boards. In no way did I mean to defend my sister or make excuses for her, or even comment on the case of which which I know only a small part. I think if people want to blame something like MTV or welfare or race (it's all there), maybe their thoughts should be redirected to something a little more relevant or productive. Believe it or not, I am trying to learn from this. What's done is done, but if I can do anything to prevent it from happening to some one else, I intend to try my hardest.
Actually, I do believe that if my sister had experienced the beauty of life in the ways I did, perhaps her sense of the world and values for life itself would be different. It is because of the things I have been fortunate enough to indulge in that I feel so much the need to help those less fortunate than me. Seeing the young children in Guatemala who work more hours than any of us know for their own dinner has made me a more compassionate person. I do not take for granted the luxuries I have had. I know the world is bigger than any petty argument. We learn in many ways. I honestly believe given the knowledge and the pure love of life that I have based on my experiences, this could never have never happened. I do not claim to be God and of course there are many who commit crimes in San Francisco and New York. I am not making out these places to be heaven on earth. They are hard cities to make it in, but there is a reason so many people try. Do not underestimate the power of learning, discussion, art, and culture to change one's perspective on life. I am who I am because of these things.
i find it hard not to hate you or wish you a death of similar circumstance. i hope your sister never sees life outside of bars. may pain, anguish and death surround her and your family the rest of your days. im going to watch that judge put your sister away for the rest of her despicable life. if i were there id punch that stupid bitch again, they obviously havent knocked enough sense into her yet, but im sure shell get plenty of that kind of attention in prison. they better pray they are never free or people will be waiting for them
ReplyDeletei will be looking for you
ReplyDelete"In no way did I mean to defend my sister or make excuses for her."
ReplyDeleteUm, yes you did.....
"Since graduating high school, the declining job market hit her hard. Perhaps blame Apple, the company that hired my sister and laid her off and hired her and laid her off and hired her and laid her off simply because they like to hire temps in order to lay them off before they are forced to give them benefits. Blame that system of business when a company so prosperous cuts corners for a profit. Again, blame the absence of accountability for males who hit their girlfriends or any other female. Is it any wonder my sister’s sense of value as a person is damaged? Furthermore, blame the government for spending trillions of dollars on war and violence rather than addressing the downfall of our school programs, and blame those of us who vote against higher taxes which would benefit our country’s young, poor, or sick, or worse still, those who somehow neglect to make it to the polls. Blame the embarrassing streak of prejudice and lack of compassion for our fellow human beings, which I found while reading through so many of your comments."
"She got caught up with the wrong guy,"
"In fact, my sister has been a victim of spousal violence with a recent boyfriend, and from what I understand she was hit in the face at this party by a male attendee, which is what set off this despicable chain of events."
And your arrogance is beyond belief...
"Actually, my sister and I were brought up in the suburbs of the San Francisco bay area where property value more than doubles that of Elk Grove and the surrounding areas." What does that have to do with anything? Just because the property value is doubles doesn't mean the quality of life is double.
"I decided to stay back and live with other family members because I found “EG” to be boring, devoid of culture, and depressing." Just because you don't like "EG" doesn't mean anything. There are plenty of people that would disagree with you.
"I admit in the past days I have blamed myself somewhat for not somehow forcing her out of the hell that is the Sacramento Valley." You think it's hell while plenty of other people find it has enough to offer to fulfill a satisfying life.
"Without knowing you, I can almost guarantee that I am more of a citizen than you; the good I do in the world speaks for itself. In fact, when this all went down early Sunday morning, where was I? At 5:00am before I went to work for the day, I was volunteering for the MS Walk in NYC. Where were you? How much blood have you donated? How many lives have you saved? How many hours do you give every week of your life? How many strangers do you take into your home? How much sleep do you lose?" And this somehow makes you a good person. The only thing you are trying to do is pat yourself on the back. It takes so much more that volunteer work and such to make a good person. There is so much more you have to learn. The next post from you is one example of what I am talking about.
"Two months ago I was coming home on the train back from Manhattan. It was nearly five in the morning. As I stepped off the train I witnessed a young girl being shoved backwards out of the train. She falls on a stone bench and spits out blood. Her (I assume) boyfriend steps out of the train after her, yelling, saying it's all her fault. She is badly beaten. As I cross over to the other side of the platform he says to her, "No on is going to help you here. No one cares about you." Two men who happen to be quite a bit bigger than the male assailant cross over with their heads down and eyes averted.
"In the end, I did nothing, and it kills me to this day. Yes, I was terrified. But is that an excuse? I could have gone outside of the station and seeked out police help, but instead I walked on to catch my train. I could have helped her up and got in a cab with her home or anywhere else she could be safe, but I was scared of him confronting me and really this would have taken a lot more effort than getting on the next train home and crawling into my warm bed safe at home. I could have said something to him and faced possible retribution. At least I know he would go to jail for hitting me. The sad truth is, I did nothing. By doing so, I reaffirmed his words to her. How many of us would have done the same? I was disgusted with myself and have been ever since for failing to defend the helpless girl. I am haunted by the image of the man standing over his victim and the words he said, everyone around them walking a little faster in the other direction. The truth is I learned something about myself, and I will never again be a passerby."
You pat yourself on the back for the volunteer work you supposedly do and then you ignore a person in need, a crime victim? That young girl could have had serious internal injuries and all you care about is walking on to catch your train? You couldn't even call 911 to help this person? You seem to think you're a cultured and outstanding citizen but, personally, I find you to be an arrogant person that lacks integrity.
My thoughts and prayers go out to Alison's family and, especially, her two young children. My prayers also go to the young girl you ignored.
For those that did not understand in the least, what I wrote in my original post was poised at the people who felt the need to make excuses or to "blame" something. I wrote about the questions I have had to ask myself. Although I think all of those things in some way contributed to who my sister was as a person and on a greater level, the state of our society as a whole, I was also being sarcastic in placing "blame." I said in conclusion that: "I find myself constantly asking why and trying to deduct the whole thing to simple explanations, but we all must learn that there is no simple answer." This is something I am learning myself. Obviously, she did get caught up with the wrong guy. That wasn't meant to be an excuse. Who one chooses to date is on them. No, I don't believe she actually knew his intent when coming back to the party. I believe she thought he was going to confront the man that hit her, possibly without a gun, and yes she should have just gone to bed. The details will come out in court and justice will be served, as I hope it is. I have faith in our justice system for that.
ReplyDelete"What does that have to do with anything? Just because the property value is doubles doesn't mean the quality of life is double." Well, I was not speaking of quality of life. I was addressing the people who assumed before knowing the case, that this was due to the poor people moving into Elk Grove and the surrounding area before knowing anything about the case. Again, my writing was simply to address the commenters who chose to write ignorant, irrelevant speculations. It reminds me of Columbine when everyone started to blame Marilyn Manson, which always confused me.
As for what I do beyond volunteer work... well, I wasn't only speaking of my extensive volunteer work. I am a blood donor, an ovum donor, and soon to be a bone marrow donor. I am an avid participant in the couchsurfing community, which means I take in travelers from all over the world and I show them around my city. Last week I picked up an old man who had fallen on the street, probably from a stoke, and stayed with him for an hour while waiting for EMT to arrive. I do my best whenever I can to help a person in need. Any of my friends know I would do almost anything for them, and they have done so much for me, especially in the past few days. Most importantly, I try extremely hard and go out of my way to improve upon myself and have a positive impact on the world every day. I know I am not perfect, and I said so in my original writing. The fact that I failed miserably to help that one girl was something I really do feel horrible about, and that's why I wrote it. Do you realize the last time I called 911 to alert the police of an emergency in NYC, it took nearly an hour for them to show? Where would that girl have been in an hour? I was terrified, shocked, tired, and coming home from a bar. Yes, I could have done something, and I didn't, so I'll just leave it at that. Have you never regretted not helping somebody in hindsight? You cannot possibly be that perfect being?
As for the post at 4:42... is it right to fight wrong with more wrong-doing? I choose not to comment on exactly what Tamara does or does not "deserve." I have my own feelings, and I respect others'. Are we going back to the time of ancient Greek mythology when one person in a family wrongs another, and somehow the original perpetrator's entire family must be punished? Do you want to shoot me now? Punch me in the face? How mature of you. Pity I can't be at the trial to let you punch me so you can wind up in prison. And then maybe your entire family should, too. Then again, I'm sure you'd be too much of a coward to confront me yourself. Would you like to tell me your full name? Probably not... what an arrogant loser. I'm sorry your life is so pitiful you have to attack me on my blog.
Who is the arrogant loser? She's right! All you are trying to do is make people feel sorry for you! If writing helps you, then make the blog personal. Something for only you to see! A journal maybe. You made this public when you damn near posted your address on Alison's obituary! This should not be an open forum! The VICTIMS (yes, little girl, I said it again) deserve better then that!!!!!!!!!!!!! Karma is a bitch and it will catch up to you. I pray that once you grow, you will realize how wrong you are right now!
ReplyDeleteI kind of understand what you are trying to say about yourself but you still have a lot to learn.
ReplyDelete"I do my best whenever I can to help a person in need. Any of my friends know I would do almost anything for them" but you walk on by when there is a crime victim getting beaten. I hope you are sincere when you said you won't walk by again and do something to help. How cold has our society become that we completely ignore a beating victim?
"I was terrified, shocked, tired, and coming home from a bar." These are poor excuses. I'm sure that young girl was tired too....tired of people ignoring her. I am not saying you were the only one that could have done something. There were other people there too and someone could have organized them to fight back against the suspect. There is power in numbers. Helping a crime victim in their time of need, in my opinion, is more important than being "an ovum donor." My goodness, I can't help but think about that girl getting beaten in front of everyone!
"Do you realize the last time I called 911 to alert the police of an emergency in NYC, it took nearly an hour for them to show? Where would that girl have been in an hour?" She would possibly have been dead and that is exactly my point. Since the police take too long to respond you decide it is better to go catch your train? Unbelievable!
"You cannot possibly be that perfect being?" I never said I was, however, you were the one who started this blog. If you don't want people to pick apart your writings then you shouldn't have started the blog.
For what it's worth, I have done plenty of charity work but I don't believe in bragging about it in a blog. I am also the person that puts his life on the line everyday protecting the community from the likes of your sister and Raymond Vigel.
Innocent people get shot and one gets killed and somehow this has turned into a blog about you? You make me sick. My friends son is in the hospital with gun shot wounds and the only thing he did was walk out of the house and into the garage to see what was going on. Your sister is a puss head plain and simple. It doesn't matter if she did or did not know that Raymond Vigel had a gun. They did not return to the gathering to leave some chips and salsa. They both had the intention of "getting even." Your sister had your arrogant attitude and felt it was okay to take the law into her own hands instead of doing the right thing and calling the police to press charges. Why don't you try to focus on the innocent victims of this horrific crime.
ReplyDeletemelisa thank you, anonymous says" your sister is a puss head plain and simple. it doesnt matter if she did or did not know that raymond vigel had a gun" you are so wrong it makes a huge differance thats why we have a judicial system or did you forget that????
ReplyDeleteThe law says when someone hits you, you call the police and press charges. You never take the law into your own hands....we have laws or did you forget that????
ReplyDeleteI can't help but wonder how much different this blog would look if Tamara was the one that was shot and killed.
ReplyDeleteTo the person that wrote: "I kind of understand what you are trying to say about yourself but you still have a lot to learn..." and all that followed in that post:
ReplyDeleteMelisa--as far as I could read--never denied having a lot to learn. So please--be specific--or at least helpful--and tell her WHAT you think that is and WHY. If you don't want to help her right now--either because you don't feel she deserves it or because you know you're not in a position to do that now, fine, but realize that what you ARE doing is not helping anything. She also never denied making a big mistake in allowing her baser fears to stop her from interfering the with female victim on the subway. And I don't think she was trying to brag about charity work but, however futile, defend her character in light of the circumstances, against peoples' expectations and judgments. (This is my interpretation, and I wouldn't mind it at all if she corrected me.) I agree that helping a victim in need is more courageous than donating blood, marrow, ovum as there is no compensation for the former and plenty of risk. (Though I don't have a right to speak on the latter as I am not a donor and know it entails some degree of pain and helps others.)
The point I'm trying to make is this--and I feel it also applies to the person that wrote: "Innocent people get shot and one gets killed and somehow this has turned into a blog about you? You make me sick."--that Melisa is open to hearing calm, mostly rational arguments or hypotheses as to what went wrong and--even more helpful--how to foresee similar circumstances in the future, as much as humanly possible, and help breed good things from this experience.
The basic problem with most people's arguments I've read were that (well, they weren't arguments, they were attacks) they seep to operate in this FIXED PIE sort of world, where feeling remorse for the victims and the tragedy means denying any personal grief or loss. IT IS NOT ONE OR THE OTHER. Tragedies affect everyone (yes, in different ways, and to different degrees). But is that really what you want this tragedy to teach people? That when it strikes, the most productive thing possible is to play the we're-worse-off-than-you and I hope God or karma or whoever makes you pay for it! Because that, to me, seems like "getting even" mentality. Everybody has a right to grieve, and to grieve differently. Melisa's way of grieving does not take all the attention away from the victims, especially not from those closest to them. Grief is not a fixed pie!!! There's plenty to go around.
The problem that most people are having is Melisa's timing. Keep in mind, Alison was just buried this morning. I understand that grief is not a fixed pie concept you speak of, however, this “pity blog” should not have been created until, first off, the families had time to grieve plus the surviving victims had been released from the hospital. The wounds are still too fresh for anyone, young or old, to even consider having any type of civil conversation.
ReplyDeleteMelisa has had a complete lack of respect to anyone that may have been bothered by her blog. Although she opened it for both sides to speak, she has been completely narrow minded and has not learned ANYTHING from what the ANYONE has stated. She was more concerned with her own selfish reasons then to be worried about who she may be hurting. Keep in mind, Melisa decided to promote this blog in the comment section on the SacBee website for the article that was written to celebrate Alison's life.
I really think her best option, if she truly wanted to help her sister's case, would be to keep quiet. Maybe not forever, but at least until the wounds have started to heal. I guaranty your sister's lawyers would agree.
Melisa, your a smart girl. I really hope you are beginning to realize that this blog is not healing anyone, including yourself. If anything, it is making your sister, who is already pretty disliked, look worse and is starting to make you look more and more selfish.
The previous comment above was totally correct when they stated that this blog would be completely different if poor Alison was your sister, mother, daughter, or friend. You might start realizing where some of us are coming from.
To the 9:16 PM post, I think the "getting even mentality" is what got us here in the first place!
ReplyDeleteAlso, "breed good things from this experience"? how many of these experiences to we have to go through before people learn that taking the law into your own hands is not ok?
I think we need to focus on the innocent victims, not Melisa. Melisa may look at herself as an innocent victim, and maybe she sort of is, but not to the extent Alison's family is. Tamara was possibly an innocent victim until the point she brought her friend back to the party. I have found on plenty of web sites that a trust has been set up for Alison's kids. I, for one, plan on donating some money. How many people will join me?
The Alison Van Houten-Freeseha Memorial Fund has been set up for Freeseha's children at Guaranty Bank, 3380 McHenry Ave., Escalon, CA 95320.
ReplyDeleteMelisa: You can type until you have nothing but stubs to type with and it won't change the tone of the SacBee posters. Most of them post just for the pleasure of reading their words on the worldwide web. They don't want to know what type of family you and your sister came from. They don't care.
ReplyDeleteYour best bet would be to continue to provide emotional support to the elder mbrs of your family. Write to your sister as often as possible. And go on with your life. And whatever you do...don't read another SacBee post. Trust me, it will just make you crazy. And you don't need that.
melissa,
ReplyDeleteyou may not remember me and i really have no place getting myself involved, but here i go anyways. I truly understand your plight. what a horrifull thing to happen to such a wonderful family. having said that your sister is in a world of shit. a mother of 2 young children has been killed. The D.A. will be all over this case. you don't know what defence your sisters lawyers will bring into that courtroom and all of what is said on this blog can potentially hurt her defence. your actions would be better served speaking to your family directly and let these fools say what ever they like. in the long run none of that matters. what does matter is your sister, your mother and the rest of those who are effected by this travesty. i would hate to see that what is posted here became evidence against your sisters case. not to mention the heartache it has caused your mother to continually see this battle online. my heart goes out to you and your family. as well as the families who were effected by this crime. i am just pleading to you to stop this and focus on what is truly important, your mom especially, and not worry about what these faceless people have to say. I say all this with the up most respect with a hope that you will see things differently. those who post on this site mean nothing to you or your family....let it go and channel your energy onto those who know and love Tammy. Julie
lizzy, the arrogant loser I was referring to was the person that wrote, "may pain, anguish and death surround her and your family the rest of your days," and as expected was too much of a coward to respond to my answer.
ReplyDeleteAs for the timing issue, I write because these are the feelings I have right now. In a month, I will surely be in a different state of mind. So many people were asking questions, and I found myself doing the same. I was responding to other people's ignorant comments and explanations which were posted on various news message boards. Whatever mistake I made in choosing where to post the link was due to the fact that that's where those people were posting, and I meant to draw them here. I'm sorry if that offends the people who were not the ones making the statement I speak of.
"I can't help but wonder how much different this blog would look if Tamara was the one that was shot and killed." Honestly, if Tamara or anyone close to me had been killed, this blog would look very similar. I would still feel the need to question why and look at the world around me differently. I wold want to learn more than anything and go on with my life as a better person. Things have happened in my life (which I won't discuss now) that would shatter most lives, but I have come out of these things feeling more fortunate and more understanding, with no hate in my heart for those who have wronged me (even when they ended up in jail). You say this is not helping me, but you were not there three days ago when I couldn't eat, sleep, bring myself to speak to my family for more than two minutes, or go five minutes without starting to cry. I went to work and tried to hide that I was making my mascara run. A friend literally had to come pick me up off the sidewalk in the middle of downtown Manhattan where I had a breakdown and take me home. This blog has helped me more than I could have ever imagined. I am not ready to see my sister or even speak to her at this point because she could not give me the answers I desire. What good would my questions and my rage be to anyone? Maybe you don't like it, but this is my forum to pose these questions.
I could not disagree more that I have not learned anything from your comments. My understanding of myself and the situation expands greatly in answering your questions and statements. If this was meant to be a "pity blog" rather than a place for open multi-p.o.v. discussion, would I leave the comments that attack me so blindly? I started this blog to write what I was feeling and get down the questions I had, hoping others would give me their questions or possible answers. It's true that I write about what I'm going though, but isn't that what a blog is supposed to be in the first place? I plan on making a second entry sometime soon that may or may not be related to the current situation. I will not post the link on any message boards, but anyone that decides to continue reading is welcome to do so and as always invited to comment.
lizzy said...
ReplyDeleteYou sister may not have brought the gun but she brought the male who had the gun to the party. I'm sorry but I'm sure your sister was well aware of who this individual was and how he may have reacted when put in that situation. He killed a mother of two... a wonderful woman who was just trying to make it in this world. Your sister and HER FRIEND'S action's KILLED a young woman and SEVERELY hurt two others. Your ignorance disgusts me. May Alison rest in peace and your sister and HER friend get the 10'X10' jail cell they deserve!!!!
April 23, 2009 6:02 PM
Melisa Bassett said...
I am lost as to where you find in my writing any misrepresentation of what happened, my sister's guilty role in it, or the tragic outcome of it all. Ignorance is apparent to me when people refuse to think. Lizzy, you seem to me to be extremely ignorant in that you somehow read what I wrote, and instead of coming up with a true response to anything I wrote, you attack me. Without knowing you, I can almost guarantee that I am more of a citizen than you; the good I do in the world speaks for itself. In fact, when this all went down early Sunday morning, where was I? At 5:00am before I went to work for the day, I was volunteering for the MS Walk in NYC. Where were you? How much blood have you donated? How many lives have you saved? How many hours do you give every week of your life? How many strangers do you take into your home? How much sleep do you lose? Now tell me how I disgust you. Maybe it bothers you that you don't have the answers either. Is it wrong for me to take all negative in the world into mind and work ten times as hard to have a positive influence, and then ask the world to do the same?
April 23, 2009 7:39 p.m.
You say you always welcome ones' feedback, yet when I originally responded to what you wrote and it was pretty apparent that I upset you and you attacked me because you didn't like and disagreed with what I had to say. So instead of you handling it in a more "mature and calm manner" (as you so politely decided to put it - ugh), you attacked my character. Without even knowing who I might be, you claimed to be better then me because you do volunteer work and are more cultured? How judgmental are you? For all you know I could have been someone that your sister hurt or killed loved one. My opinion is still the same. Your sister was absolutely at fault and she does deserve a 10' x 10' jail cell for LIFE!!!
So far you are welcoming people who you agree with you to comment, but god forbid they don't, it's pretty apparent your going to attack them. Its pretty ironic that you start the comments off by attacking me (someone you do not know) by saying that I have no reason to have any opinion because I am apparently less then you.
You claim you are such a wonderful person that is trying to better the world but yet you disregard the people that needed you the most out of your own fears. Now put yourself in the shoes of the innocent people in the garage that Tamara and Vigel gunned down. Imagine if they just kept on walking to their cars and didn't feel the need to help any of the victims because they were too tired. Just like you did with that poor woman after you just got done wasting your night out at the bar.
You contradict yourself constantly and frankly are a complete hypocrite. And yes, I understand that you were not involved in the situation but this blog is doing nothing but putting fuel onto the flames. I pray that someday you will wise'n up and realize that this is wrong and is completely unfair to any and all of the people hurt because of your sister's actions. I'm starting to realize that you are not “mature” enough to see it that way.
P.s. I would recommend removing the song "Ill kill her" from your myspace page. The lyrics are pretty disturbing and really doesn't shed a great light on you or your sister.
Lizzy and Melisa.....you both need to stop this. Really, how does this juvenile banter help either of your sides? There is no need for you two to be going on like this. Let the courts damn the damned and allow everyone else to get on with their lives.
ReplyDeleteLizzy are you really going as far as looking up her myspace? get a hobby!
ReplyDeleteYou are right. I should not have looked up her myspace but as it was told curiousity did get the best of me when Melisa made the comment about the invitation to the party. I will admit, that was poor judgement on my part. As for a hobby, I have plenty. I have just become very passionate about victims rights over the years, and frankly I found Melisa's continuous blogging to be insulting to all involved. I am done stating my opinion for you are right; this will not serve anyone anything but bitter hearts. God be with you and your family Melisa and may justice be served for all of the victims.
ReplyDeleteI would just like to say: "I'll kill her" by Soko... and just about everything else by this talented, humorous young artist... is an amazing song! Everyone look her up! You'll laugh, or I'd seriously have to worry about your sense of humor. :)
ReplyDelete...and spending my night out at a Manhattan bar at a social event is hardly "wasting my night." I know I've been writing a lot, but I do have a life, and most would say it's pretty fabulous.
i think the smart thing to do melisa would be to grieve with your family instead of posting a blog, somehow trying to make sense of it all.
ReplyDeletei mean, let's be honest - your getting eaten alive here by those posting because your only focusing on yourself. your pain, however great and heart-wrenching, stems from your sister's premeditated actions and not from some ramdom act of violence like the shooting victims friends and famlies' pain.
your attitude is, to say the least, is supercilious. you constantly point out your education, as if a bachelors [and possibly a masters] in psychology is the pinnacle of an education; as a man with a juris doctor, your ba is nothing more than something you hang in your office to fill space. as far as your comment about sacramento and its racist undertones, how could a liberal san franciscan say such a thing? sacramento is a melting pot, one of the most diverse cities in america. look at san francisco - a city that espouses diversity but has home prices that squeeze out many minorities. sure, many minorities may live in san jose and walnut creek, but that ain't frisco. so all this diversity and culture your talking about is really some watered-down, second-hand crap. as a educated individual [jd, dual bachelors], what drives me nuts is people like yourself because you always talk about others keeping an open mind but you already have your mind made up. if you really had an open mind, you'd have enough intuition to stop trying to explain to others why your sister should escape culpability.
but, alas, you don't know any better. so continue to lecture others on how they should be dealing with their pain.
"...your getting eaten alive here by those posting because your only focusing on yourself..."
ReplyDelete"...so all this diversity and culture your talking about is really some watered-down, second-hand crap. as a educated individual [jd, dual bachelors]..."
really, you're [a contraction of you are] the superiorly educated individual with a jd and two bachelors and yet you misused "your" three times in your post? i realize i'm being a grammar bully but, you are bragging about two BAs and a JD, not an engineering or math degree or specialized, non-language-related degree. i would hope you'd have learned contractions while earning one of those. good thing i strive to maintain the skills earned with my first BA (heck, learned in elementary school honestly) rather than dismissing it as space-filler once i've gone on to the next bigger, "better" thing.
guess we all have things we're proud of that piss others off.
~a fellow educated person
You pompous self righteous bitch. Your mother didn't just fail in raising your sister but she definitely also failed in raising you.
ReplyDeletewow!!! Melisa, you do not deserve all this. your mom doesn't deserve all this hatred! I know that you are a good person by personal experience, but you are really bringing this upon yourself. stop adding fuel to this fire. you will not win. no amount of education or volunteer work can make up for the counterattacks against these people. show how smart and mature you really are by "walking away" I am beginning to believe that you are enjoying this. and please don't copy and paste this to your response with corrected grammar or what ever you think is wrong in my opinion. i don't claim to be anything i'm not expect a fellow human being who is saying enough is enough. this will stop when you do, don't feel that you need to have the last word. and for what its worth, I am actually on your side.
ReplyDelete...I was not mentioning typos here before, but now that we are on the subject, is it not funny, and sad, how what spell check misses is often embarrassingly exposed? It makes me wonder how many mistakes were present before the squiggly lines. It drove me crazy the year I graded hundreds of supposedly college-level papers. The state of our education is embarrassing.
ReplyDelete"you'd have enough intuition to stop trying to explain to others why your sister should escape culpability." Where in my writing do you find this? Are you blind? How may times do I say that my sister will go to prison for her part in this, as it should be? Perhaps you would be an illogical mess if this was your little sister, but I am trying not to be. Again, I know little of the details of the case. Do I think what happened was premeditated by Tamara, not really. But I'm not claiming to know the details of the case, nor do I even want to discuss them. Does anyone really know what was going on in her head, because I sure would like to know.
As for San Francisco being only second hand culture... well, I lived in predominately diverse areas of San Francisco. My college was statistically the most diverse college in the country. Yes, I also did live in San Jose, Berkeley, Fremont, and a couple other towns as well as work all over the bay area at one time or another. Diversity is not all that makes up culture. The abundance of art (music, film, live theatre, dance, visual arts, architecture, etc.), good food (sorry for being such a foodie all the time), and people born elsewhere and from all different social backgrounds, is a big part of "culture". Diversity does not equal culture.
I did say I was well-educated in my original writings when I was addressing the people who were attacking my family values and status. You are right in saying a BA is hardly anything to brag about. That being said, I do believe education is more than what you get in school and any degree is just a piece of paper. That piece of paper does show that the holder values education enough to put their time and money into it. I have learned in many ways, both in school and out. I think I learn as much, if not more, by continuing to think comprehensively and to read what others write or listen to what they say in my everyday life. I enjoy being as you say "eaten alive" by others. I believe if they think they are doing so it is only because they choose to be blind to what I write because it does not fit into their comfort zones. You make me stronger and wiser. Thank you.
I am enjoying this. [smile]
ReplyDeletewow, OK. well I'm done....i will leave you to your games. have fun!
ReplyDeleteMELISA BASSETT - YOU ARE OFFICIALLY PATHETIC!!!!
ReplyDelete"You pompous self righteous bitch. Your mother didn't just fail in raising your sister but she definitely also failed in raising you."
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought this was kind of harsh but after reading what you just wrote....
They are completely right!!!!
Can I help it if I just got tired of replying to the same responses over and over again? At some point people ceased to give me some new thought, and I found myself not giving much new thought in return. And, yes, I was enjoying writing. I'm sorry if anyone took that to mean I was enjoying the situation, which is ridiculous. The fact that I stir up so much hatred does amuse me a little. Truly, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have wrote that. The fact that my original writing was simply aimed at all the racist, prejudiced, ridiculous comments that offended me (and should offend all of us, really), people seem to like to ignore.
ReplyDeleteHah! That's funny... because you're the biggest bigot on here!!!
ReplyDeletei've always had difficulty at contractions; always have and always will. i guess that's what i get for living in the pc/mac world that affords us the luxeries of spellcheck.
ReplyDeletebut melisa, your arguments are everywhere. first you call sacramento racist [undertones of racism] despite the diversity in the city. then you imply that that racism is directly related from a lack of culture ["The abundance of art (music, film, live theatre, dance, visual arts, architecture, etc.), good food (sorry for being such a foodie all the time), and people born elsewhere and from all different social backgrounds, is a big part of "culture". "]. sure, sacramento is not san francisco or berkley in terms of art, but it is not devoid; second saturday highlights the art of sacramento every month, showcasing talented artists & musicians. sacramento also has tons of award winning restaurants, from ethiopian to himilayan, to satisfy all the foodies out there. as for the other aspects that encompass your definition of culture (i.e., dance, theatre, film, architecture), sure san francisco has almost all cities beat hands down, but that does not mean that sacramento is devoid of any of these things. lastly, sacramento has many people (1)born in other parts of the world and (2)from a varity of social backgrounds; these factors add another "wrinkle" in the fabric that is sacto. while sacramento may not be san francisco or new york, the same could be said about any other city in the united states (aside from maybe l.a., miami, philly, or new orleans); denver lacks the "culture" or sf; clevland lacks the "culture' of sf; etc. please stop acting like sf or ny is the last bastion of art and internation cuisine, it is ignorant and inapt.
and stop writing about yourself in this blog. this is not about you, your education, your proclivity for fine cheeses and international films, or your charity work. it should be about the victims, one of which your sister is not, and how we can stop future incidents like these (initially, you began touching on this topic) . i understand that you're (i did it!) your sister's keeper but how long can you continue defending your sister? you unconditionally love her, we (the public), on the otherhand, do not.
TEAM LIZZY!
ReplyDeletewhat your sister did was unexcusable and unforgivable. all of these people that were hurt; victims and survivors, are good people. they would never in a million years think of doing anything like this to another person. i am sorry for your family as you make them sound like good people as well, and it saddens me to think that another family had to be touched by this terrible tragedy, but what you must also realize that while your family may be upset. Think about the other lives your sister has completly destroyed, INNOCENT LIVES at that, seeing as how none of the victims had anything to do with any of this. For that i hope him and her spend the rest of their existence in a prison with no chance of ever getting out. There is nothing that would warrant forgivness for this. She is a horrible person and i hope she knows that. I hope the guilt haunts her for the rest of her miserable life while she rots in a prison. i don't blame anyone but them. . .it was their fault and theirs alone. i can't begin to express the grief that she has caused to us all. I hope she knows what she did was horrific. How does someone decided to do something like that?? How do you shoot a room full of innocent people?? your sister may not have been the one who actually pulled the trigger, but i can assure you that if it weren't for her there would not have been a shooting that night, she brought back the man and the gun, and she was the one driving, she showed him the way back, she drove him there, and she was the one who is responsible for an innocent life lost. It's people like her that have made me loose my faith in the human race. Have her know she has done something unforgivable and everyone hopes that the court shows as much mercy as she did that night to an innocent young woman and three young men.
ReplyDelete"I'm hurt, frustrated and scared..."
ReplyDeleteThat's all you should have said and this blog would have been completely different. When you began your thoughts by blaming the valley for your sister's crime, you lost all sympathy that you or your family deserved.
Your imbecilic thoughts are not just damning your sister but it is doing the same to you and your family. Please do not reproduce for the world does not need anymore people as idiotic as you.
I have never heard of Second Saturday in Sacramento. That's sounds wonderful, as well as the food you mention. Please do send me the details to my email or post them on here and I assure you next time I am in Sacramento I will check it out. I would love to be enlightened on Sacramento culture, but up until now I really haven't heard much of it (besides some fabulous creme brulee I had a while back made with Grand Marnier). Yumm.
ReplyDeleteActually, this kind of is about me.... being that it is my blog. Just because I don't choose to write about who I hung out with yesterday or the slice of pizza I had for lunch, doesn't make it any less a blog.
Just to make sure I was clear on the defitiion myslef I went to Dictionary.com:
Main Entry: blog
Part of Speech: n
Definition: an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page; also called Weblog, Web log
Example: Typically updated daily, blogs often reflect the personality of the author.
And, really, do you people not read? How many times must I say that I do not defend my sister in this? This was never meant to be about the case at hand, especially since I admittedly never claimed to know the details of the case and I haven't even spoken to my sister since (nor do I really want to).
OMG you are so annoying. If your sister is anything like you, it's no wonder that poor guy socked her in the face! I would too!
ReplyDeleteOMG Stop reading since I'm annoying you and really if you have nothing to say worth while, there's really not much I can say, but probably things that will be even more annoying.
ReplyDeleteActually, my sister is nothing like me. We pretty much have opposite personalities. The older/younger sibling dynamic works in strange ways.
... and I was serious on wanting to be enlightened on Sacramento art, music, and food. I don't know if that came off too sarcastic (sometimes I worry that much of what I write sounds sarcastic, and when I mean to be people often take me too seriously), but I was really being genuine.
to anonymous april 27 2009 9:51 pm , and you wonder why people get shot
ReplyDeleteto anonymous april 28, 2009 12:02 a.m., yes, since that comment is totally appropriate considering the situation at hand.
ReplyDeleteto melisa - you do need to watch your sarcastic undertones. considering your previous works have insulted quite a few, you may want to skip that writing style for a week or two.
i hope your sister dies
ReplyDeletethink about that smile comment... when your sister gets put away for life, everybody but you and your murder supporting family will have something to smile about. whats it like defending the murderer of an innocent woman? knowing your pathetic mother raised a killer? i really hope i see you someday. your face wont hold a smile if i ever do.
ReplyDelete"You pompous self righteous bitch. Your mother didn't just fail in raising your sister but she definitely also failed in raising you."
ReplyDeleteyep... still fits!!!!!!!!
Melisa;
ReplyDeleteI understand and hear what you are trying to say. I read through your whole blog and agree with you on some extent. I was not there and did not witness to any of it. I do feel extremely sorry for what happened. I know your sister, we worked at Apple together... She was in most of our eyes an outstanding employee always willing to get the job done ... no matter how long or how hard it was ... There was always RUMORS that she had another side to her... but it didn't matter to me.... She was always kind, and always had an innocent glow around her .... It took a lot for everyone here at Apple to accept what she had done. However, though I agree with your post and think people should not attack your family based on you sisters actions... I do not agree when you say ' Perhaps blame Apple' Apple had nothing to do with your sisters actions. When some one starts with the temp agency they are 100 percent aware what the terms are. She knew it... and she accepted them. Apple did not cut any corners, they have been operating like this long before your sister and I worked there the rules and contracts are out to the open any one can see. I completely disagree with your standpoint of Apple. The company has/had NOTHING to do with what your sister chose to do that night. You ask people to stop attacking your family .... and who are you attacking? You should read Apple and the Temp agency's contract before making any statements. If I may remind you that is a contract Tamara signed.
When referring to Tamara, there is always the possibility of "my mom was great, my dad was great, I just grew up to be a shit head."
ReplyDeleteMelisa sorry to use youre blog to voice my own feelings to lizzy I dont know where to begin but here I go. Youre ignorance amazes me. Think for a minute if you can? Do you really want to go there? How innocent were these people? You keep saying Tammy should have called the police but wasnt she the victim then? A MAN HIT HER IN THE FACE. SHE WAS BLEEDING FROM HER NOSE AND MOUTH.She was assaulted.Instead of doing the right thing calling 911 or dont you agree? They choose to play pool and party even with the man that started these chain of events.I know its hard for people like yourself to look past youre anger but for a minute try . You saying youre for the victim here but youre attacks only show how shallow and closeminded you really are. I am sorry for Allisons family. No family deserves that.But in a strange way I feel sorry for you. lizzy you say youre from a church family please let me know which so I wont make the same mistake and have so much hate for others. To anonymouse April 28 2009 12:58 I would love to reply but why waste my time youre comments speak for themself... I will care and support Tammy whether you like it or not.If you feel the need to post these attacks, if it somehow makes you feel better so be it. It only makes me stronger and fight harder for the truth.
ReplyDeleteApril 28, 2009 5:14 PM -
ReplyDeleteTammy lost the opportunity to be known as a victim the moment she concocted the plan to MURDER and SEVERELY INJURE, not only the person who assaulted her, but SEVERAL others.
And I wanted to point out; Am I upset... yes. Tammy assisted in the death of a beautiful woman.
Full of hate... no. God has a plan!!!
Thank you for stating your opinion but I'm afraid to say you are absolutely wrong in every aspect of your comment. And I find it hilarious that you feel to attack me... maybe I should follow your words....
"If you feel the need to post these attacks, if it somehow makes you feel better so be it. It only makes me stronger and fight harder for the truth."
You are a complete joke!!!!!
Lizzy (with a capital "L")
you dont deserve a capital,you are sick but you are right god does have a plan.
ReplyDeleteI see now...an innocent mother of two deserved to die because "A MAN HIT HER IN THE FACE. SHE WAS BLEEDING FROM HER NOSE AND MOUTH." Two children deserve to grow up without a mother because "They choose to play pool and party even with the man that started these chain of events." I have a great idea, since you feel so sorry for Tamara you can do her prison time!
ReplyDeleteWow, so angry everybody. You make me smile. (If I must explain that smile, it is because I really am not a violent or irrational person in the least, so when people show hatred towards me it amuses me and I really have nothing to do but smile).
ReplyDeleteTo the "anonymous" person (or people) who want to meet me face to face, please send me your full name and phone number. We can sit down to lunch next time I'm in Sacramento and let's see how much a real man (or woman) you are. I'll probably visit within a couple months. So if you "really hope" to see me one day, there is nothing stopping you [except possibly your cowardice], am I right? You even have my personal email if you want to remain anonymous. Hell, I'll even buy if you're low on cash. You're welcome.
To the person who works for Apple: When placing blame in my original writing I was being half-sarcastic. While I do personally believe the temp policies of Apple or any similar company to be corrupt, obviously they (or MLB, war, education, or anything else I mentioned) share no responsibility in anything that happened. My point is, there are many factors that make up one being, and we can't simply place blame (or praise) on any of these factors for the personal decisions of an individual.
Really, everybody, we are getting off track here. Attacking each other, placing blame, and getting angry really does nothing for any of us. How can we do something as individuals to learn and prevent something like this from happening to someone else? After all, that was my main goal in starting this. If anyone has any suggestion to answer this question, I will take it to heart. Some of us have thoughtful things to say, but to those who refuse to grow or help me grow out of this, you're wasting everybody's time, including your own. I am above this; and does your bickering like children on some twenty-four year old girl's blog while she tries to soul search really say anything for your character? It's a pretty sad picture. Think about it.
Melisa wrote "How can we do something as individuals to learn and prevent something like this from happening to someone else?" The short answer is "we can't." Killing has been going on since the people have been on earth. There is no law or any type of intervention that will completely prevent the killing of innocent people. Like you said earlier, there are many factors that makes up a person. Despite our best intentions, murders will continue to happen.
ReplyDeleteHaha. "I am above this?" really? do this; scroll up and check out your paragraphs where all you are doing is bickering. you and lizzy spent three days doing nothing but. you think you are so significant but god little girl you have so much to learn. you are nothing but a little girl who is jealous because their little sister is now getting more attention than her. do you even know what soul searching is because it is so not apparent here.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that murders will always happen, but don't statistics show that there are ways to prevent the overall percentage per capita? True, these factors may be mostly under the control of other larger factors that are difficult if not impossible for an individual to affect. Maybe I am just a hopeless optimistic. For example, I like to think that me spending my night last night sorting clothes to be given to families with children in need might ease their desperateness , and therefore their possible inclination for crime (not so much my work individually, but the organization's work which is based in it's volunteers). I know counselors and educators who would like to think their work brings down the overall crime rate for the people they work with. Or Is this all in vain?
ReplyDeleteway to change the subject. that's what i thought.
ReplyDeleteI did not deny that I was starting to bicker, but I see me doing this, and I would like to go beyond it. Will you prevent this by your bickering? Isn't it below all of us as adults, really, young or old? Also, I do not deny I have a lot to learn. On the contrary. That is why I write. It is the people who challenge me to go further with my thought that help me to do so. You are not one of these people. And how could I be jealous? You think this little blog is a way to get attention? A few dozen readers on a blog (or on her end, a couple hundred people in Sacramento who read the local news) hardly constitutes attention. Please, let's all grow up (and I am hardly excluding myself here).
ReplyDelete***Wow**** I must say. Melisa, I feel your attempt to try to draw blame away from your family and sister has back fired. How can you sit there and claim to be a responsible, intelligent young women and so much better off then your sister ... when you sit there and say that it makes you smile to see all the hatred going out toward you? You got problems girl. I think you should sit and ponder for a while because you continue time after time to make yourself look bad. Maybe you should see a therapist. And then to say that a company is corrupt because the refused to hire your sister from a temp agency. That is funny. If you feel that strongly about open a suit and see who wins. Your sister, who I knew, unfortunately chose her own decisions not because of a company or because of a physical assault, but because at that time that is what she WANTED to do. Why should she claim the lives of others? if she felt the need to kill someone why didn't kill herself? Yes it would of been very sad and all but look at what she and the other person has caused. You try to manipulate people getting way off subject in your blog... the bottom line is SHE IS A MURDERER and what is ironic, the way hatred makes you smile and you talk all good about yourself (GLOATING) I would not be surprised if you ended up the same or worse....
ReplyDeleteYou need to concentrate and think about how stupid you make you and your family look before you write down shit. You are just making things worse. I am sure even Tamara would tell you to shut the hell up and let it be before they put you in a psychiatric ward.
So just think twice before you answer .... well maybe in your case think 3 or 4 times before you do!!
You really are one crazy person. I think people aren't a coward because they won't want to see you in person. I just think they value there lives.
That's awesome!
ReplyDeleteThanks Anonymous April 29, 2009 11:10 AM. You are so right.
And haha to Team Lizzy. I completely concur.
you people are total idiots stop using up space they bore us and show us how stupid you are
ReplyDeleteLizzy do you have a job or do you just sit home and depend on government aid .I know your husband is in the milatary but thats no reason to be using tax dollars you seem capable of work. Are you handicapped? If so i am sorry.
ReplyDeleteYes. We are the total morons on here. lol
ReplyDeleteGive me a break; at least we know how to use proper punctuation.
Wow. just wait a minute. I have to draw the line here. Although many of Lizzy's thoughts may not be a popular view on THIS site, I can virtually guarantee the general public would disagree. Afterall, majority of the people viewing this page are not supporters of Melissa's sister. However, from what I have read, I feel Lizzy was concerned with Alison's family and the other victims feelings. You are all grasping at straws so you feel the need to take personal attacks at someone you do not know.
ReplyDeleteAs a former military wife myself, I found what you had to say as completely disrespectful to Lizzy but also to all the other military families out there. Way to voice your opinion Lizzy, and disregard their personal attacks. You have enough in your life to be concerned with. I hope you guy stays safe out there and comes home safely. And I'm sure the families would appreciate you saying what you have said.
And Melisa, I hope you are able to work through this difficult time. I know it is tough but keep positive thoughts. Your sister may not have a very fruitful life because, realistically she will be behind bars for the rest of here life, but that should not stop you in your ventures.
I might not have used the proper puntuation but does it matter? lizzy can you answer ???? I myself have a job and own more than one house in youre neiborhood . Its funny how you avoid the questions pertaining to yourslf. please ask youre church for help. Thankyou
ReplyDeleteTO:
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
I might not have used the proper puntuation but does it matter? lizzy can you answer ???? I myself have a job and own more than one house in youre neiborhood . Its funny how you avoid the questions pertaining to yourslf. please ask youre church for help. Thankyou
APRIL 29, 2009 12:59 PM
GET A LIFE AND STOP TALKING SHIT ... YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LIZZY SO STOP BEING A MORON.
100% TEAM LIZZY! :) GO GIRL
believe me i have a life nor would ever want to know lizzy
ReplyDeleteTHEN STOP TALKING SHIT
ReplyDeleteIf you are so important to society and you think Lizzy is lame for stating her opinion, why have you just spent 4 hours waiting for a response? I'm sure Lizzy didn't want to state where her church was because the information could be used as retaliation. Considering this website was created to voice opinions about a murder that took place. I'm sure Melissa's sister and the guy has a few friends are that not very happy with some of the voices being heard on this very site.
ReplyDeleteYou may not want to know Lizzy, but I'm sure she probably wouldn't want to know you either. Especially since you really don't have anything to say worth listening too.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE SPENT SOME OF THE MONEY YOU SPENT ON THOSE HOUSES ON AN EDUCATION OR AT LEAST A BOOK OR TWO.
ReplyDeleteActually, this website was started to discuss possible ways to learn and grow from tragedy, not as some of you may think to discuss something that happened and cannot be changed.
ReplyDeleteMaybe *everybody* should stop talking shit. It is immature to deduce this to "sides" of an argument. What are the sides? The side that wants to sit on their ass and do nothing but going back to what cannot be changed versus the side who wants to do something about it?
And to the person who wrote that people would not want to meet me in person in a public place because they would be scared for their lives... I say that is ridiculous. If someone is going to "really hope" to meet me, then why would they cower when I offer to grant that (possibly at no expense to them). If anyone really is scared of me, you should know I am a generally happy, active person who has never been arrested, had any debt, or been violent on or off-record. Why would I want to through away my cushy life for someone I don't even know or could care less about? If someone slaps me on the face, I show them the other cheek. I read about and admire Mohandas K. Gandhi. Maybe you think it's crazy that the fact that so many people hate me amuses me. The truth is I haven't known anyone to hate me since I was seventeen and someone wanted my boyfriend. I thought it was funny then, the lengths she would go to destroy my life however fruitless. Now a handful of people hate me for no real reason other than the fact that I write freely about my feeling and my questions for the world on some blog. I think if I did sit down to dinner with any one of you who hate me, there are only a handful of things that might happen. A) You would be violent, I might get a bruise on my face, I'd call the police, and proceed to press charges. You may or may not realize how stupid you are. B) You would realize how stupid it is that you have nothing to say to me face to face, I would have a good lunch, and walk away with a smile on my face, or C) We might actually have an interesting conversation, have a good lunch, and go on with our lives both understanding a little more about the world. I am a stand up girl. So if you ask for something, like a meeting, please don't let it be just an empty threat. Now I show you my other cheek.
First of all, to all you who totally blame Tamara for this you really need to think about it. First of all, knowing Tamara, I know she knew nothing about what was going to happen when she brought Raymond, the person who actually everyone should be upset with, was going to do. And if my girlfriend showed up at my house with a broken nose and blood coming from her mouth and she knew where the person who did this to her was then I would confront that person also. I however would not have done what Raymond did but I would have made him aware there is consequences for ones actions.
ReplyDeleteIf you really think about it, any person in Tamara's place is going to leave the situation and go to a place where they feel safe. What Raymond did after that was Raymonds decision, not Tamara's. Instead of attacking Tamara maybe you should focus on the person who actually committed the murder, Raymond. This was all a series of mistakes which actually started when a "man" punched a 115lb girl repeatedly in the face. Is he to blame for starting this?? Maybe, but in the end, it was Raymond who made the most tragic mistake of all, which was committing this crime.
For the record....
ReplyDeleteI was actually, ironically enough, working; being a productive member of society. And to even top that off... I had a physical therapy appointment this afternoon for a pretty severe injury. Which is why it has taking me so long to respond...LOL.
However... I'm not about to have another bitching match with you (Mr/Mrs Moronic Anonymous) nor anyone. Someone who I could care less about. But FYI: I will say that I am a very hard worker. One who also owns their own very nice home and has since I was 22. During hard economic times and the home prices in California, I would have to say, that's quite the achievement. So your asinine comment about me being, what was it? "One who sits at home and lives off government aid", couldn't be more then wrong.
And for Melisa regarding your last comment....
"What are the sides? The side that wants to sit on their ass and do nothing but going back to what cannot be changed versus the side who wants to do something about it?"
I think that comment was unfair. I do feel that I have stated that people should grow from this. The only area, as I have stated before, is that your followers need to keep in mind that innocent people were, not only physically, but emotionally injured by Vigel and Tamara's actions. You can not tell me that what I have said has been completely off kilter. Especially since your so called "side" went so far as to attack people for being in the remote area of the gentlemen that hit your sister. Keep in mind, Alison was only there for 10 mins and maybe didn't even know what happened. Where's the growth making comments like that?
I will admit that Melisa and I did being to bicker but if you read above I think I even admitted that it was wrong. If I didn't write it, if it's any consolation, I did think it. And I think even Melisa also said it. So the negative comments are actually unfounded. Funny enough, I'm sure if Melisa and I met under different circumstances we probably would get along extremely well. But it was completely unfair to take a shot at people that are just trying to give a voice to the people that are really upset and extremely hurt and may not be able to say what they really are feeling right now. I'm sure several are going to need years of therapy just be able to speak about it.
Most of you knew Tamara, but you must keep in mind, I knew Alison. I'm sorry if it's hard for me, at this point, to look at the positive side of this situation. Especially since it has only been a week.
Thanks to all of you that were a voice for "Team Lizzy" (lol) but moreover a voice for the people that may not be willing nor able to speak their mind. Also, I wanted to thank the person that wished my husband well. Deployment # 2 is half done so the countdown is on!!!!
And once again, Melisa... I'm not saying that we, as a society, should not grow from this event. Saying that would be considered "my side" (which is stupid as is) would be completely wrong. I actually, believe it or not, agree with much of what you have had to say. However, I will stand by my original thought when I say.... it was just poor timing to create this blog and expect everyone to be able to grow from this at the rate you are.
I really hope this bitching match stops. It's not helping anyone and no one will grow from any of it. If you disagree... Okay.... then I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.
Lizzy
FINALLY. A VOICE OF REASON ON THIS DAMN THING.
ReplyDeleteTo the person who said "It wasn't Tamara's fault" ... I go to a party with this guy, we leave... go to another party TOGETHER then he proceeds to sock me in the face several times... I am completely alone here and I have just been ATTACKED by a male.... UMMMMMM what do I do?
ReplyDeleteA) Call 911 and get him arrested. Press charges and a restraining order.
B) Visit a hospital since I am so severely injured, and let the staff there call the police.
C) I go to my boyfriends and get him angry with what happened to me. Then I drive him back to the place where the guy beat me.
"Hopefully they will just talk about it and eat desert later"
I mean come on now..... obviously Tamara chose option C. WRONG .... How can you not expect something to happen???? I do agree she is not completely in fault... but she drove Raymond back to this place ... What did she think was going to happen? HONESTLY... lets suppose that she just ASSUMED that they were going to talk it out and Raymond was going to say something to the fact on "Never put your hands on her again" PERFECT ... (that sounds reasonable) and lets suppose that he told her we wasn't going to do anything... I would of drove him there too especially after getting socked multiple times in the face.... but then what happened afterwards????? He shot a gun multiple times..... at multiple people that had NOTHING to do with it.... Of course Tamara at that moment wouldn't of been able to stop it... and Of course it is not completely HER fault... But she drove him to a hotel and stayed the night with him....!!!! she didn't go running to the cops .... she didn't try to get away from a person that just shot 4 people... She decided to go with Raymond and hide it out... when someone decides to stay in a situation like that.... I think she had a pretty good idea on what was going on ... and she was completely ok with the fact. So you say: She went to some where well she felt safe.... well lets just say... I rather much getting socked in the face then getting shot at.
Melisa;
I do see peoples points when they say that you are trying to avoid the fact ... Maybe you are REALLY just saying your feelings... But you also try to trail it off. Who really knows what was going through Tamara and Raymond's mind at that time? NO ONE ... No one knows what put them over the limit it. But what we all know ... is that Allison is DEAD because of it... She paid the price for Tamara and Raymond's actions and had nothing to do with it... That is NOT fair and no matter what state of mind or depression Tamara was in ... it DOES NOT justify this act.
I do see everyone's stand point on this issue, I know Melisa has said some off the wall things... But it is the way she feels. If hatred amuses her then let it be. As long as she does not hurt anyone she is fine. The Bassett family should not have to go through what people are putting them through for the actions of one of their family members. We are NOT in there shoes and do not know what they are thinking, feeling or experiencing at the moment.
Melisa, Be strong and continue your life of success
You know over the last few days I have been thinking about the exact same thing. If I were in the car with my boyfriend/husband and he started to commit the act the Raymond did, his arm would have been broken his eyes would have been blue I would probably even run out in front of him so he would stop. I would risk my life to save the other as I'm sure many other kindhearted people would. I would have done everything in my power to stop him. If that meant jumping out of the car to stay and help the people that my murderer of a boyfriend hurt, so be it. Your sister did not. She was conscious enough to speed off and flee the scene, pick up a friend, get a hotel, enjoy one last night together, and cause a swat team to come pick me up. What a senseless act performed by BOTH Raymond and Tamara.
ReplyDeleteJess I completely agree. That is why I DO believe no matter if she knew or not what Raymond was going to do. She is also responsible and she is not another victim or the circumstances as people have intended her to be. She brought him there and she should have done something to prevent it, or at least try! It was her fault he was there in the first place she should of done something. But since she fled with him... that only makes me think that she knew what was going on and she was ok with it!
ReplyDeleteThis situation is so sad and it completely breaks my heart. I wish this situation could have ended differently for all involved. I agree with Lizzy when she stated:
ReplyDelete"innocent people were, not only physically, but emotionally injured by Vigel and Tamara's actions...it was just poor timing to create this blog and expect everyone to be able to grow from this at the rate you are."
Most friends and family can barely even speak of the situation. It's is unfair to expect anyone to move on and look at the brighter side. There is no brighter side for them at this point. The only thing that they can be thankful for are the memories they have of Alison and that her murderers are behind bars and are unable to hurt anyone else.
Alan Jackson, "Sissy's Song"
ReplyDeleteWhy did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me
MISS YOU ALISON!!!!!
Okay First of All Alison was one my bestfriends since 5th grade. No matter whos fault it was she is gone. We all have our opinions who did and what happened. I'm sure we would have all been just as heart broken if Alison was in the same position Tamara was. But Melisa you ARENT! You didnt lose anyone, at least you know that Tamara is alive, yes granted in jail, but that is where she should be. And I believe that a girl with a mind set like her deserved to get hit in the face. She knew exactly what she was doing when she left the party.. and if she didnt that is even more the reason for her to be locked up the rest of her life. Innocent people were killed two children are missing there mother and many others missing an awesome friend. Maybe you should see how you would feel if your Tamara was killed innocently. And her being a victim of domestic violence.... well like the comments before ... she made many wrong choices one of many is that she let it go. If she would have taken care of this correctly, and let the system do its job. Alison would be alive, and Tamara would be safe and free. I hope Tamara and Raymond never see the light of day, and NOR to they deserve it.
ReplyDeleteTHIS BLOG WAS SELFISH. HOW DISRESPECTFUL CAN ONE PERSON BE? YOU CLAIM TO CARE HOW YOU IMPACT PEOPLE, HOW DO THINK THIS BLOG IMPACTS THE PEOPLE THAT LOST A LOVED ONE. HOW SICK CAN ONE PERSON BE?????
ReplyDelete"Now is a time to humble ourselves."
ReplyDeleteMAYBE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW YOUR OWN WORDS. HUMBLE YOURSELF - STOP BEING SO HARD-HEADED AND DELETE THIS SELF RIGHTEOUS BLOG!
From what I have just read Melisa you are nothing but a spoiled brat that enjoys hearing herself talk.
ReplyDeleteTeam Lizzy all the way!
"TEAM LIZZY ALL THE WAY" ra ra ra all i can say is you are disgusting how old are you ? Hopefully still in highschool.SO sad to know people like you exist.
ReplyDeleteI am 37 and a proud mother of two young girls who would be disgusted if the family of the daughters' killers (god forbid) would create a blog like this. How old are you and what does that have to do with supporting an opinion? How would that make me disgusting? The only disgusting thing about this entire blog is that it exists.
ReplyDeleteIM STARTING TO THINK SHE FINALLY GREW A CONSCIENCE!
ReplyDeleteIT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE MELISA!
Melisa said "To the "anonymous" person (or people) who want to meet me face to face, please send me your full name and phone number. We can sit down to lunch next time I'm in Sacramento and let's see how much a real man (or woman) you are. I'll probably visit within a couple months. So if you "really hope" to see me one day, there is nothing stopping you [except possibly your cowardice], am I right? You even have my personal email if you want to remain anonymous. Hell, I'll even buy if you're low on cash. You're welcome."
ReplyDeleteYet, when I sent her an email, I got no response. I guess that says it all.
haha whose the coward no BIATCH!!!!
ReplyDeletenow* - my bad
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said "haha whose the coward no BIATCH!!!!" "now*-my bad" all I can say is ghetto
ReplyDeletehaha but im sure it made you giggle :)
ReplyDeleteto the past few anonymous people, grow up.....you asked her not to keep this going, you told her it was to soon to start a blog, you asked her to move on, maybe she has, now you to should. This blog is not about negative name calling. GROW UP!!!!
ReplyDeleteShit.... she didn't move on... the judge issued a gag order. Besides, shes about 2 weeks too late to not be called a BIATCH!!!
ReplyDeleteMelisa, my heart goes out to you and your family. Your sister's stupid choices brought heartbreak and dispair to you and your family as well. It is easy to forget the families of criminals and how the actions of one member affects the rest of them. Having said that, I am a strong believer in personal responsibility. Apple computer is not at fault for your sister's choices. Neither is a violent boyfriend, however dispicable he is. The government is not responsible, either. No, your sister is solely responsible for her actions. I do appreciate your blog and your observations. It reminds me to keep you and your family in my prayers, as well as Allison's. You are all victems of your sister's poor choices as well.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Melisa, I am truely sorry for all the anger directed at you. You did not do this. You are not responsible for this. I'm saddened that people want to shun and shame an entire family for the stupidity of one member, as if that member's actions somehow reflect on the family as a whole.
ReplyDeletedear mr or mrs anonymous, who the hell do you think you are? Do you think that your words hurt people? cause all you look like is little, a young punk, just picking at trouble. You don't know anything about Melisa, where she has been, where she is going, or what she has been through, none of us do. But she is suffering!!!! She did not do this act of crime or was anywhere remotely involved. The only thing she has done is shared the same blood. She deserves respect and is trying to cope as best as she can. At least she knows she can use her words instead of a gun or a boyfriend. expressing emotions and rationalizing situations is not a bad thing. Speaking and copeing is what she is using to get through, you should just leave well enough alone and it is antaganizing "BIATCHES" like you that caused this in the first place! Do us all a favor and get lost! Carma will get you one day and no one will be there when you need support!
ReplyDeleteI have to say I'm really sorry this didn't really turn out the way you expected it Melisa. I'm really shocked about how many stupid people are out there. People who can't see that families are affected by the actions of an individual. It's like getting mad and blaming Hitler's 2nd cousin for his cousin's insanity. Guilty by association I guess.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are not taking people's comments to heart and smile at the ignorance of people. Although it does kind of come off bad since now, I guess, technically you are the sister of an accomplice to murder. I know deep down it's still kinda gotta hurt to see a bunch of ignorant people saying these mean things about you. For that I wish there was something I could do to stop it, but realistically you kinda brought it on yourself by putting this up in the first place. I know you understand that and are just trying to grow from the situation. I know you understand that people are in pain and just venting their frustration on anyone remotely attached to the situation. I'm sad to see it's you though. Really please don't take it to heart people are upset, they just lost a loved one. Others are just delusional and think they are somehow a part of the news.
I admire your will power and your ability to keep this up though, through all the nasty things people say. I wouldn't be able to do it. It would crush me to see the ignorance in people directed at me. Although these people don't even know you.
I know these people only see what you can tell them about yourself on paper. Although it does seem to come off as a little pretentious, just because of the simple fact that you ARE such an amazing person and it's you writing about yourself. If anyone else wrote your biography for you it would appear completely different. People would understand that you are a such great person worthy of admiration and you are not just full of yourself. Although it makes me really happy to know that you have high self esteem and think highly of yourself. I think everyone should admire the person that they are and strive to be the best person they can be. If you don't admire yourself then you should look at improving the person you are until you are someone that can be admired. Especially by yourself.
As far as my comments on the situation. What would I do if my girlfriend came home with a bloodied face and got beat up by a guy at a party? It's hard to think about, would I be calm and cool and call the cops? NO I'd be pissed the fuck off. Call the cops maybe.
Guys in general have a real hard time with people injuring their loved ones. Adrenaline pumps and testosterone gets in the way of a clear head. It's go time.
Realistically My girlfriend would probably prevent me from doing any immediate retaliation then we would call the cops. That's what is supposed to happen.
Seems to me that this blog's commenters are women. Ask your boyfriend/husband/brother what they would do if you came home with a bloodied face and told him some guy at a party did it. In fact I challenge Lizzy to ask her military man what he would do. I can guarantee most of them would say "kill him". Most of them wouldn't actually do it but that would be their first instinct because of the man in them. It's their nature to protect the ones they love and get even with anyone who does harm to them. It's not in their nature to have someone else handle it for them (cops). No innocent bystanders ever deserve to be harmed in any way and my heart will always go out to them.
The bottom line is, this real life situation is horribly tragic. Words can not say how much Allison didn't deserve this, nor did her friends and family. My sincere condolences go out to everyone who has ever had the opportunity to know Allison and I know she will be missed more than any words or emotions can ever remotely express. She will be loved and missed forever.
Melisa and her family didn't deserve this either. Melisa your sister on the other hand deserves what happens to her for the crimes and ignorance she committed and all the pain that she has caused to hundreds if not thousands of people. You know this and I know you would never deny this.
I wonder how many idiotic comments I'll get on this. =)
Challenge me all you want. We've had this conversation and you know what, my husband is not a low life loser that has absolutely no empathy. He would, obviously be upset, and probably give the guy the exact same punishment that that guy gave Melisa's sister. A punch in the face to the man that hurt me is absolutely no comparison to gunning down and entire group of innocent people.
ReplyDeleteThere is a reason why we have a judical system in place. Tamera and Vigel are dispicable people that deserve LIFE IN PRISON.
DO NOT EVER COMPARE A MY HUSBAND (WHO IS A HERO) TO THAT OF A COMPLETE MORON!
Excuse my poor grammar and miss-spelled words but the last comment truly upset me!
ReplyDeleteLeave it to Lizzy to misconstrued what I said. I didn't say that you're husband would gun down a group of innocent people at all nor did I compare him to the killer in this story. I just simply challenged you to ask the question. What was the answer he gave you? I said it would be first nature for any man to be mad and WANT to kill the person. I did say that most people wouldn't do it (hopefully your husband included). I know many military heroes My cousin being one of them. Most of them would opt to jump to the gun though because that's simply what they are used to. Maybe it is just the more young and naive soldiers that I am constantly around that behave that way, but that's the harsh reality that I've been shown.
ReplyDeleteoops I meant "your husband"
ReplyDelete"Maybe it is just the more young and naive soldiers that I am constantly around that behave that way, but that's the harsh reality that I've been shown."
ReplyDeleteYour "harsh reality" is so far from the truth it's just sick. My husband and his fellow solders' are bigger and better people then you will ever be. I'm sure if you had any balls you still couldn't make it in the Military and I'm sure they wouldn't welcome you in either. You are a poor excuse of a man!
I did not misconstrue anything that you wrote. My response was regarding a conversation that him and I have had over the last few weeks, but your penny of a brain probably couldn't conceptualize it. Your pretentious writing no longer deserves a response.
Good luck with your poor pathetic life….
Richard Herrera you are so out of line. Melissa brought this upon herself by creating this blog. I hope that most men wouldn't react the same way the Raymond did. If it was a common occurrence our world would be a very dark and sad place. Lay off Lizzy. She is obviously going to become defensive. Although it was in a very subtle tone, you called her and her husband out and put them on the spot. This blog was not created to put Lizzy nor anyone on the stand. I honestly would have reacted in the same format that Lizzy did. It's not her or her husband on trial here.
ReplyDeleteTeam Lizzy. Don't listen to that fool.
ReplyDelete"I'm really shocked about how many stupid people are out there."
ReplyDelete"I admire your will power and your ability to keep this up though, through all the nasty things people say. I wouldn't be able to do it. It would crush me to see the ignorance in people directed at me. Although these people don't even know you."
"wonder how many idiotic comments I'll get on this. =)"
I guess I can't say I didn't see this coming huh?
You got what you deserved. You arrogant ASSHOLE!!!!
ReplyDeleteSo after being gone a few days... just dealing with life and no longer getting much out of this endless back and forth conversation... I see someone claims to have emailed me. Well, I assure you I did not receive this email, and if I did I would not have deleted it. Please FWD it because you must have gotten my email wrong (easy to do since it is a stupid high school email I have been unable or too lazy to change): bebetecgrl@aol.com..
ReplyDeleteAlso, for the record, I would just like to say that Richard is an amazing person and friend who happens to have an amazing rockstar life touring the world. Actually, the time when I did get physically hurt by a guy (not a boyfriend- in fact a guy I tried to stand up to as he beat his girlfriend), he flew up to San Francisco within a couple days to be with me and urge me to make a police report. And yes, that guy ended up in jail. Isn't that what we're saying should happen in these situations? The point is, we do not always follow our instincts. That is what makes us human. That was what he was trying to say. So if you disagree with that, I don't know what to say to you.
o now we all see. melissa was tired of getting her views thrown back in her face so she had to call in reinforcements. you both need to get a life. you might live a wannabe "Sex and the City" lifestyle and he may lead a "rock star" lifestyle (obviously unsuccessful) but in the "real world", we respect the family of the victims. I feel so sorry for alison's family and friends.
ReplyDelete"This blog was not created to put Lizzy nor anyone on the stand."... very true, although it would seem many people do feel the need to do such a thing in attacking me (especially), my friends & family, Lizzy, or whoever.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I did not "call in reinforcements." I posted the link to my blog on various message boards and other sites, which, yes, people who know me frequent. It is a personal blog after all. I have discussions with my friends daily about what is going on in my life, and sometimes I like them to read what I write and vice versa. I have had other people email or call me privately about this blog and other things going on and we have had deeper, more personal conversation. I wouldn't even say my views are being "thrown in my face" here. Sure, there are people who mindlessly attack with no consideration for I've written, but most of what they say hardly even applies. As for the more level-headed statements, I read them carefully and truly consider the views of the commenters.
And touring the world with a grammy award winning artist (not just as a roadie) is hardly being unsuccessful. I don't mean to put my friend up on a pedestal, since he would never do so for himself, but I really am proud of him... and I would be even if his job was much more dull. ;)
We both voiced our condolences (myself many times over). I also suggested we all donate to the fund for Alison's children (the info of which is posted a ways up in the comments). For those who suggested I not post on news boards anymore, I haven't. I obviously do respect the families of all those involved. That's why I would like to learn from this to help others in any way I can. If anyone else not somehow connected to my sister would have said this, you would have respected it.
Many of you just like to hate me and anyone who knows me because it's easier not to see the bigger (much more complex) picture. Believe me, I live in the real world. A world where I am grieving over the death of a friend. Where I deal with crime on my street. Where I attend to my friend in the hospital (and the man with Parkinson's sharing his room). Where I console a mother with a missing son. Writing and discussion are healthy outlets. If nothing else, respect that I am attempting to learn and grow from my troubles and reacting in what I believe to be a rather healthy, productive manner. If you want nothing more than to attack other people (all parties included) and don't want to discuss the broader picture, perhaps this is not the correct forum for you.
I might have over-reacted and I am sorry to Richard for some of the things that I said but you must understand why I become defensive when my husband was brought into his thought process. Richard challenged me and I gave an answer only for him to, once again, attack my views.
ReplyDeleteI really do feel for you and your family but, like you, I haven't exactly been given an easy road after I voiced my opinion on this website. Which is funny especially since I really wasn't ever one to really take a personal jab at you melisa.
I become very emotional when my husband, who faces the face of danger everyday, is targeted for absolutely no reason. Being the wife of a soldier for his second tour gets a true hold on you and it is harder then many of you could ever imagine so I'm sorry for this morning. Emotions did get the best of me as you could tell my writing was different then it has been in the past.
Truth being said, my original response WAS exactly what he had said. He said he would sock him in the face and break his nose and then we'd call the cops and face the consequences for both of their actions. Even with expert gunmanship he would even consider loading his gun and shoot down a defenseless crowd.
So yes, I am sorry but I do feel I deserve an apology from Richard as well. He might have been trying to state a point but his context was completely out of line.
**he wouldn't even consider**
ReplyDeleteSorry I'm on quite a few pain killers right now so forgive my mistakes....
Richard I understand what you are trying to say but using a soldier to prove a very off base point is revolting. If you want to be seen as a legit voice, try using examples that would not offend people. I would be pissed too if you tried to use my husband to prove YOUR point.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to Lizzy. Good luck with your husband honey! Stay strong.
"Ask your boyfriend/husband/brother what they would do if you came home with a bloodied face and told him some guy at a party did it. In fact I challenge Lizzy to ask her military man what he would do. I can guarantee most of them would say "kill him". Most of them wouldn't actually do it but that would be their first instinct because of the man in them. It's their nature to protect the ones they love and get even with anyone who does harm to them. It's not in their nature to have someone else handle it for them (cops)."
ReplyDeleteSo because your "rockstar" and YOUR miliary friends would react in that manner, the rest of the world would also? Are you an expert? Do you have any statistics? So because Lizzy's husband had military experience he is going to think that shooting down a suspect is the right answer and then come to a rational thought and realize that is wrong. That's a pretty demeaning statement to all men if that's how you see the world.
NO, most mean are not going to act in a violent manner. That is if they have a maturity level higher then a 10 year old. Give me a break. Why don't you do your research before you start damning an entire sex population and all of our service members who fight for your freedom so you could have your "rockstar" lifestyle.
O and Lizzy I would like to apologize to you since I'm sure Richard won't. Your absolutely right, he had absolutely zero ground to stand on and it was completely unfair to bring your family into his opinion.
ReplyDeleteYes Richard, everyone that was trying to make Melisa see the hurt she was causing are all ignorant. Melisa and you are both so selfish that neither of you can see the hurt that your want to see the bigger picture words might cause. Stupid people must hang in packs and I definitely would not want to drink out of the same fountain as you two idiots.
ReplyDeleteThey arent the idiots here, you are and the whole team lizzy thing so sad to know people like you live
ReplyDeleteLizzy" He would sock him in the face and break his nose" then what lizzy get real do you think he could just walk away and call the police . you cant be that dumb or can you?
ReplyDeleteNot to speak for him, but what I believe Richard was saying is that any man's primal instinct is to protect the people they love, and intensified by testosterone and adrenaline the first instinct (even if for half a second) is to confront that person and probably punch them in the face. Again, being that most of us have evolved beyond the point of animals who do not solely react based on instinct, most do not use violence. An instinct for violence does not lead to violence in most cases. For instance when my car broken into a couple nights ago, I had a blind moment of desire for violence or revenge. The fact that I am a reasonable person would have prevented this from actually happening had the situation arose.
ReplyDelete"NO, most mean are not going to act in a violent manner. That is if they have a maturity level higher then a 10 year old." In fact, Lizzy's husband did say he would at least want to punch the guy in the face. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I am going to say he has a maturity level of an adult, although you may disagree. I am sure that was not meant as an attack on him, but maybe you should think before you speak next time.
And, really, who am I hurting, and who is trying to make me see "all the people that I am hurting"? Remember, I really had nothing to do with anything that happened, and I have done nothing but grieve for those that have been hurt. You may not care, and I don't really care if you do, but I have been hurt by this immensely-more than any of you can even imagine.
.....
Also, for those of you who choose to call me an idiot, please do use the grammar and spelling you should have picked up in elementary school.
where the hell is this pitty party coming from? Raymond killed some one, not just anyone, but a mother, a daughter and a friends, he hurt several others and has destroyed multiples, upon multiple families, mine being one of them. Yes he acted like an animal protecting his loved ones and to the extent that he went was unforgivable, but the rest is all speculation, what Tamara thought, felt, knew, and understood is all speculation. Nobody knows or will know, how intoxicated she was, or even if drugs were a factor. Nobody knows if she even knew he had a gun. There are so many rumors flying around, nobody but God, Raymond and Tamara know exactly who knew what. And just because she left the scene with him, does not make her a the bad guy. Her boy friend just shot a gun multiple times, if she didn't think he was capable in the first place, what makes him trust worthy after the fact, how did she know he wouldn't turn on her? Do you not think that fear may have been a factor? Who knows if she was the one who actually called the police from the hotel room?
ReplyDeleteWe are doing what everyone is saying that "they " did not. We need to leave this to the law to figure out, let the judges and jurors decide who is the guilty ones. No matter what, weather she knew or not, this lives with all of our families for the rest of our lives, and has forever changed mine. May Justice be served and the truth prevail.
And please stop attacking each other, stop reading between the lines, its all opinions. We all have them, and we can all debate them, but it doesn't have to be nasty and negative. From what I have read, nobody took a true stab at anybodies husband, it was an opinion in general, and Lizzy was having a bad day, which she had made mention to and took it personal. It should just stop there, however some immatures people want to antagonize a fight and have a "pitty party". We all know Lizzy doesn't need a "team", she is capable of defending and apologizing, when needed.
Lizzy no disrespect meant at all. You just seem to be the type who can stand her ground and knows when she is stepping out of line and has the balls enough to respect that and apologize. You seem like a very well spoken person. Best of luck to you and your family while your husband is on his call of duty. May God watch over him also.
Grieving needs to be done, no matter what side of the situation, please don't try to take that from anyone. We all have feelings and opinions that need to expressed, but don't lash out before you realize what the other is truley trying to say.
i hope someone shoots one of your loved ones for no good god damn reason then blogs about it for the world to see. i hope your coward of a cunt sister loses the protection of jail, gets hunted down like the sick animal she is and gets left to bleed out in some random driveway.
ReplyDeleteI fail to find the logic behind your thinking, I suppose because there is none to be found. Your thoughts are clouded with anger and fear. Aren't we all taught as children the value of thinking before we act or speak?
ReplyDeleteI choose not to comment on the second part of your statement, simply because I am beyond it at this point. However, I hope everyone can see the ignorance in your hope that some random person I care about gets shot. The anger is misplaced, beyond my sister, beyond myself, to someone you or perhaps even my sister does not even know. The logic in this is equivalant to killing innocent children in countries because we are at war with their parents, not in scale but in relation. It is a non sequitur. On a scale large or small, anger, hatred, and revenge do little for the good of the whole and only lead to more of the same.
Furthermore, you wish this murderer of the victim who is guilty of only knowing another person who knows another person who has committed a crime to be free and proud, rather than serving the proper justice which in the end is safer for a whole community, especially when the criminal feels no remorse. Murder, and crime in general, hurts not only its victims but communities, a complex net of family and friends of the victims and perpetrators, and the people who commit the crimes themselves. I know (not through our own conversations) that my sister is filled with remorse for what has happened, for all who were hurt, including my own family, and that she reflects on what she did while she sits in her cell and eats food we would hardly feed our pets. She knows she must deal with her loss of freedom, space, and indulgences and accepts it. This is how our justice system works. Your solution only results in more suffering and injustice.
I blog for a greater understanding, despite what you and others may believe. I choose happiness and love over the pain and anger that dwell beside it. I feel overwhelmed with love and so lucky for the people, freedom, and things I do have. I cannot control the actions and thoughts of those around me. I can only offer my humble hand and give them the support needed to make the right decisions and hope they do so. Needless to say, they do not always follow my path. Call me an asshole for believing in this so deeply, but it will only fill yourself with more hatred, while I continue to feel loved and to love... and you are the one at disadvantage. I would rather be seen as naive, immature, or ignorant for my optimism and love than wise or realistic for my pessimism and negativity.
Forgiveness is a virtue we must do our best to master, so I pray with a true and open heart:
May you be happy.
May you be well.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
And because those before me have said it better, no matter the place, time, or faith...
Mohandas K. Gandhi:
An eye for and eye make the whole world blind.
Matthew (5:43-47):
You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?
Buddha:
Hatred never ends through hatred.
By non-hatred alone does it end.
This is the eternal truth.
The person who day and night
Delights in harmlessness,
And has loving-kindness toward all beings,
Is the one who has no hate for anyone.
Is it just me, or is there a good deal of unnecessary hostility floating around here?
ReplyDeleteBear a few things in mind, if you haven't done so already:
First, it's easy to come across as harsher than you intend over the internet. Without physical cues like tone of voice, body language, gestures, etc. one tends to sound like an ass when using harsh words. It seems like Lizzy caught on to this, and it's good to see some civility after the initial misunderstanding. A lot of y'all are acting like idiots, though.
Second, and more importantly, you all ought cut Melisa a bit more slack. She's staring at the possibility that she'll lose her sister to a prison sentence for fuck's sake. Whether or not that happens or is deserved is up to the law to decide and not a bunch of strangers reading one girl's reactions to this situation. Unless you were there, back off. I strongly doubt that any of you would be willing to spew so much vitriol if you knew Melisa personally, or even Tamara.
"Vengeance is Mine," sayeth the Lord. So let the law decide Tamara's earthly fate, let God sort her out in the hereafter, and don't be so quick to judge a girl who understandably feels offended when she reads comments from random idiots assuming that the source of the issue is anything more than a bad move on the part of the accused.
I have to wonder what would lead a person to post some of the comments that have come up on here. How can you wish death upon Melisa's loved ones without being the least bit involved? How can you do it, period? Either you've never lost a loved one to murder, and so have no right to judge, or you have and are wishing the same suffering you went through on someone else.
Either way, you just end up looking foolish.